Magic

Sometimes I wish I had a magic wand and I could make my life exactly the way I want it to be. I know, I know - it's totally unrealistic. Where is the joy in attaining what you want without the work? The work is what scares me but it's in the work that you find the satisfaction...

sicko

I wasn't in the office today, which was nice. I was going to have the day to do what I wanted when I wanted but I developed a cold and didn't sleep well last night and have felt kinda foggy all day. So, lazy day it was. I've read, watched a great film called Crazy Sexy Cancer (not great because of the subject matter but great because of her choice to document what was happening to her and sharing her journey with all of us). If you need something to watch - this is a good one. I also watched a documentary called Escape Suburbia. This is the description in the OnDemand Info (presented by the Sundance Channel): "Half a century ago, suburbia was hailed as the solution to urban decay. Now, in the light of diminishing oil supplies, ecomomic woes and unsustainable lifestyles, many concerned citizens are rethinking their options."

So this is what I did with my time off. I think I'm going to go take a nap - if I can breathe while laying down.

distracted

I am struggling with getting my head wrapped around any of my work. The students have left and I need to transition into summer projects which are important but BORING. I need to edit the student handbook, check final grades of students in postions where GPAs need to meet a minimum criteria. None of this is any kind of appealing to me.

My mind is in another place. I am processing so many things and none of them have anything to do with work.

I have been doing some online training and looking at potential improvements for the office but not getting any "needs to get done" work accomplished.

Wish me luck.

Challenges

I'm at a place right now where I really feel like I am being challenged to evaluate my life and ask what it is that I want from it and how I can best be like Him while I'm here. With these feelings comes fear. I'm afraid that if I really look at what I want from this life and how I can participate in bringing the Kingdom of God to those around me in my community, I'm going to have to give some things up and I make some serious changes in the choices I make in my daily living.

For the first time in my life I don't feel like I need to make these changes out of guilt or shame but out of a heartfelt devotion to Christ. As He changes my heart I feel compelled to change my priorities.

I feel claustrophobic with all of my "things" around me but begin to feel anxious at the thought of purging them from my life - and that's how I know I have a problem. I know that there can be a healthy balance. I know that I have got to get my temple in better form to live out His calling for my life. I am no good to Him if I make poor choices and have to spend my time dealing with the consequences of those choices rather than being Christ to those around me.

I watch Extreme Home Makeover and see a family who intentionally moves into a neighborhood in need of love and they make a difference - giving so much of themselves to those around them. I'm challenged to think about what I am doing with my life and where I want to go with it.

I watch a documentary on the use of rape as a weapon in war (this one specifically about The Congo) and think "what am I doing???" There is so much need in the world and I know that I am impacting students at Cascade - or at least I hope that I am - but I feel like there is more and I am being called to something more. I just don't know what it is just yet.

I am being stretched and it's uncomfortable but I know it's good and healthy and necessary. The journey of life is hard and amazing all at the same time. I'm excited to see what is ahead for me. I'm unsure of where all of this will lead me but I'm learning to let go and trust in the Lord - and lean not on my own understanding.