Manners

I am reading a book for work called The Resident Assistant by Gregory Blemling and I've been amused at some of the things I've read. For instance, this morning I was reading an excerpt from a book written in the 50's by Irene Pierson giving advice to students on manners - check this out:

Question: What is the correct procedure when a girl has a Saturday night date and her boyfriend from out of town pops in a half hour before time for the date?

Answer: Tell the boyfriend you have plans for the evening and cannot break them as you do not want the reputation of being a person who is not dependable. The boyfriend was inconsiderate in not calling in advance. You could have been out to dinner and not have been located by him all evening.

WHAT??? How about "You're awful for dating behind your boyfriend's back and you do not want the reputation of being a cheater!"????

Maybe I'll share some housing rules from 1870 later.

Project Summary

So there it is my friends. My 30 days of ridding myself of things I no longer want/need. I didn't spend nearly enough time in other places of my life like the CD collection or the books but I did get rid of a lot of clothes that I just don't need to have around any longer. I think there will continue to be more purging. I kinda got the hang of it. I found some pleasure in it. Wasn't nearly as painful on day 20 as it was on days 2 and 3.

I'm learning more and more about who I am and why I do some of the things that I do. I really believe that I have found security in having "my stuff" and it has gotten in the way of my relationship with God. He is my only security and I need to trust Him to provide it.

Now I'm going to go work. It's SO quiet around here. Students are on spring break and my boss isn't in the office. I think I got more work done yesterday afternoon then I get done in an average week! YAY for Spring Break!

day 30

slippers - donate

day 29

flip flops - donate

day 28

blue hoodie - donate

day 27

nightgown - donate

day 26

old undies - trash

day 25

3 old cascade tshirts - peace out - donate

day 24

brown shirt - donate

day 23

brown "leather" vest never worn - donate

day 22

old sports bras - trash

day 21

basket of toilettries - garbage

day 20

blue sweater jacket - long - mom always asked if I was wearing a robe when I had it on. donate

day 19

pink tshirt - donate

Do you see a trend here???? I parked at the closet trying to empty myself of the clothes I don't really want.

day 18

light green tshirt - donate

day 17

khaki cargo pants - donate

Playing Catch-Up: Day 16

blue dress shirt - donate

Funny

17

Thanks Mike for this funny quiz!

thoughts on project so far

I actually feel quite liberated getting rid of the things that I'm holding on to that I just don't need/want. I believe with all of my heart that holding on to "things" has been some kind of security blanket for me. I think I have found comfort in my stuff. I can analyze it to death but I think what it comes down to is that I can't find my comfort in my stuff. Won't happen...it's not there. My comfort and my security need to come from Christ alone.

Now, don't get me wrong, I will probably never be a minimalist, it's not my nature (also not from nurture, as my parents like their things as well) but I will continue to work on purging the stuff that is blocking me from the growth I need to make.

Here's to healthy purging!

day 15

stinky pair of shoes - only had them for a little over a year. Got a lot of wear out of them but now - peew, stinky! Toss.

day 14

2 broken pairs of sunglasses - toss

Day 13

shipping envelopes - toss/recycle (it's really amazing the amount of junk one can accumulate without realizing)

Day 12

broke down a few shipping boxes that were hanging out in my room from various online purchases. Recycle.

Day 12

broke down a few shipping boxes that were hanging out in my room from various online purchases. Recycle.

Day 11

Simple shoes - too big - thought I could make them work but they don't fit. Wasted $20 on them (good price for Simple brand but when you can't/don't wear them, no price is good). Donate.

I know I know

I'm behind in my posting. I have been doing a thing a day, just haven't been putting them up. Soon I promise I will get them up here for you to read.

A Thing A Day 10

A tshirt and an old pair of shoes - donate.

A Thing Day 9

found papers that really belong at work. I need to go through them but I think I will go through them at work - old articles and publications that I intended to go through in my free time but they've been piled for several months. Go back to the office.

Found 2 candleholders that I will donate to Campus Life.

A Thing Day 8

bag of tea lights - donate to Campus Life

A Thing Day 7

found old mini body washes in a box (with the old travel documents) - give away to students - smell good but let's get real, I won't use them.

found candle holder - nice, no use for it. Donate to Campus Life to use for things like Chinook, Winter Formal, etc.

A Thing Day 6

recycled more papers - travel documents from a trip from a year and a half ago. Apparently I needed them for something really important...

white twinkle lights - donate to Cascade - Campus Life

Weekend Confession

My weekend got away from me and I didn't do any - ANY - decluttering! Bad Rebecca, Bad! I will have to do four days worth of sorting tonight. Shameful, shameful.

A Thing A Day 5

a pair of jeans that has seen better days - donate

I bet my list will be longer for the weekend. I have great hopes of going through some boxes under the bed. What I like about this concept is that I don't have to clean up everything TODAY. I can take my time, work on one small area at a time with no pressure to have amazing results.

The gal whose blog I stole the idea from said that as she's gone through the month, she has found this exercise to be easier with each passing day. I'm hoping this will be true for me. I hope at the end of 30 days I've blown myself away with how much decluttering I've done.

A Thing A Day 4

Yesterday I rid myself of old random papers in my Bible. I've been doing a study and so I've actually been using my Bible daily - GO FIGURE - and these papers were irritating me so I went through to see what they were. I found old random post-it notes placed in my Bible that no longer made any sense to me, bulletins from months ago, drawings from my cousin that are probably 12+ years old - time to go!

I also went above and beyond and took two tired polo shirts out of my closet - you know when everyone was wearing polo shirts, I'm guessing, 3 summers ago. Not going to wear them again I'm fairly certain. They will be the start of a donation bag. 2 weeks ago I gave a friend two yard trashbags full of old clothes that I was no longer interested in. She didn't want to buy new clothes, I didn't want the bags anymore. Buh-bye! Looks like I'll need to start a new give-a-way bag.

A Thing A Day

I was reading another blog and her goal for the month of February is to get rid of one thing every day. Her goal is to donate, recycle or toss. I thought that I could take on this challenge and so while I am already on the 20th day of February, I could still work on 30 days of ridding myself of the clutter in my life.

I have actually already done three days of ridding myself of unnecessary clutter:

Day One
Brought a pile of old stickers to the office to use for various Campus Life activities rather than have them sitting in a drawer taking up space like they have for a few years. Creepy clown stickers are a big hit with college students! I decided this counts because it's not in my house and I'm more likely to use them here at the office.

Day Two
Recycled old postcards from same drawer (and UGLY stationery- what was I thinking?). I've had them since college. I'm not going to use them.

Day Three
Gave extra 2008 calendar to a friend. She was pleased. I was happy to be rid of it. :)


So, friends, I will be posting A Thing A Day for the next 30 days. This will hold me accountable to purge my life of stuff that I don't need. I will either donate/give to a friend, trash it or recycle these items in a reasonable time period. I will tell you what I'm doing with them.

Just in time for Valentine's Day

I think I'm falling in love with God in a way I never knew possible. I feel like a school girl - all giddy and annoying. I want to tell everyone about how much I love Him and He loves me.

Warning: Learning In Process

I'm being worked on in ways I never thought possible.

I am thankful for the ways in which God is mysterious and indescribable.

I am thankful for the ways in which God is obvious and faithful...EVERY TIME!!!!

It blows my mind.

and yet, I've spent 31 years doubting Him and believing that His promises are not true for me.

I am done believing the lies I've been told. I am ready to live a full life!

I am finishing up my second week of a bible study with some girlfriends called Breaking Free by Beth Moore. There is so much I could share, insight that I am receiving from God but I don't think this is the time or place for it. Perhaps down the road it will feel right and appropriate to put everything out there for my faithful readers but not today. I'm not ready to feel that vulnerable.

For now, perhaps meditate upon:

Isaiah 61

The Year of the LORD's Favor

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.


To quote Beth Moore: "I believe a person can receive Christ as Savior, serve Him for decades, and meet Him face to face in glory without ever experiencing satisfaction in Him on this earth..I was in my 30's before I understood the huge difference between salvation from sin and satisfaction of the soul. Salvation secures our lives for all eternity. Soul satisfaction insures abundant life on earth."

This is going to be a big year for me! I am ready to live a different kind of life. A life of abundance and true satisfaction!

vacation accomplishments

Sorry that I didn't get back during my time off. I ended up in bed for four days with a nasty cold. I did get a few things accomplished:

* Read book for book club meeting: Fannie Flagg's Can't Wait to Get to Heaven

* finished Al Gore's book "The Assault on Reason"

* started new book on the nice "not so cheery" subject of self-injury called Cutting by Steven Levenkron

* also picked up Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf

* had lunch with my dear friend Rebecca Marie

* saw family for holidays

* celebrated New Year's in a very low-key manner (still recovering from cold)

* made ornaments for everyone at church to signify the importance of believing in what we are trying to accomplish

* did in fact watch several movies - being sick doesn't inspire as much reading as movie watching

* joined the National Body Challenge 2008: comes with a free 8-week pass to Bally's and lots of helpful information about health, exercise, making better food choices, etc.

* did some thinking about the upcoming year and things I would like to see happen - more to come

Vacation

Yesterday began a long needed vacation from the office. I don't go back until the 2nd of January.

I do have to report for jury duty on the 3rd, but here's to hoping that I have nothing to offer and will promptly be dismissed. Several people have said that I should sit on a jury because it can be rather fascinating, but my luck would be sitting on some case involving the dullest topic and people of all time.

I'm sure that the next few days will involve reflecting on the year that I've had and what I would like to do with the year to come. Perhaps I will post some of those thoughts here.

I will definately be reading. There are about 4 books I would like to get finished by the end of the year - perhaps I'm being overly optimistic.

I will definately be watching movies. I just picked up Bourne Ultimatum, The Death of the President and Once. I also have endless OnDemand movies, thanks to my bunking with ma and pa! I'm sure there are several I would like to check out (Notes on a Scandal just released OnDemand and I will be watching it again!). I also think some cheesy Christmas movies are necessary over the next couple of days.

I have been trying to keep track of all of the books I have read this year and all of the films I have watched. I know that my movie list is longer. I can say that my first new year's resolution will be to have my movie and book lists be more equal.

I was nominated by a co-worker to review some christian women's books for a christian newspaper. We'll see if I am chosen. This could be really cool, or really awful. Maybe this will be my first chance to be "published" somewhere...one of my life goals.

I have been baking all day for church tomorrow. I'm tired! I don't know how women do this all of the time. :) I made lots of treats and am excited to share them with people I love.

Here's to a few days off! If I don't see you, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I pray God's blessings as you travel or stay home - seeing family and friends! May God bless you abundantly in the New Year.

May we see peace on earth!

Cool Blog Find

I just found a really fun blog for me and added it to my list of blogs I read because I love me a to-do list (I am being too lazy right now to add a link in here for you).

I don't know about any of you but I really enjoy a list of things that I need to get done. There are days when it feels dauting and that I will never get it all done but then the joy I find in crossing things off of my list is incomparable! I even include the most ridiculous goals and "wish list" ideas - especially for work, the things I really, really, really wish I could do in my job that I think would just be cool, but know that the likelihood of it happening is pretty slim. I include them so I don't forget the idea and because you never know!

I am excited to check out the To Do List blog in hopes of finding inspiration and maybe some other weirdos who enjoy them a list.

Time Management

Is there a way to make more time in a day?

No matter how organized I try to be, I can't get everything done. I leave the office thinking "What did I do today? I know I've been busy but I don't think I got anything done on my list!"

Disclaimer: I did just have a Mika dance party in my office with 5 students squished in here....maybe this has something to do with it. :) But having fun with students from time to time is also an important part of the job.

And then as that was done and I was moving back to work, I had a student come in who needed to complete his US Census questionnaire and was having difficulty figuring it out. So I got off track again.

Someday, just for fun, I will give you a play by play of a day at the office. Just for kicks!

What up, homes?

I promise I didn't die - not that anyone reads this anymore!

I have been so busy this year. The semester is flying by and I feel like I am getting left in the dust!!!!! My days at the office are passing too quickly. I don't feel like I'm getting an adequate amount of work done in a day. We've had quite a bit of behavioral issues this year to address.

Life has been happening around me and it's mostly been good. I have participated in two book clubs this month. I read "They Like Jesus But Not The Church" by Dan Kimball with several people from my church. I also recently joined a book club that will be more permanent and we read "Stormy Weather" by Paulette Jiles. I was chosen to select the next book and I'm having some trouble figuring out which book to choose. There are so many I want to read - how do I pick one? I've been spending a lot of my free time reading and I'm really enjoying it! I know most people would agree that one feels more relaxed after unwinding in the evening with a book rather than vegging out in front of the telly all night.

I've gone to the art museum, the opera, out of town to visit friends. Life has been good since last I wrote. I am taking a class on finances with some friends which I'm hoping changes the way I think about money. So far, I've already made significant changes and am proud of my choices. The church family has been struggling. We have lost quite a few members in our current state of transition. I have had some hurt feelings and I am trying to work on healing those hurts and forgiving the friends who have decided to move on.

I am happy to say that I am engaging in my life. It may sound silly to some but it's something I've had to work on over the course of the last year or so. I have realized that it's been easy for me to be a passive participant and let life happen around me. It's something that I struggle with. I am trying to look for ways to not watch life pass me by!

Craziness

Let the insanity officially begin. Soccer and volleyball players moved in this weekend. It's beginning...the madness...

I have this week to get everything organized for Orientation Week which begins on Friday with a staff meeting for all of my student workers - who basically do my bidding for a week and get a free trip to the coast out of it. I will now be working 19 days in a row - as are many people aroung campus. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be a martyr here, just sharing part of life that is this time of year. Somewhere in there I will be celebrating my 31st birthday. I have a feeling it will be a bit of a let down after last year's soiree!

Say some prayers for all of us getting our students here and settled. I know that there will be days that I will want to explode, sleep, cry, quit and punch everyone in the face...I can do the exhausted and the crying but I can't explode, quit or punch anyone in the face.

I'll see you on the flip side.

Generation Me

I finished Generation Me a couple of weeks ago. The author is a generational psychologist and professor as well as a GenMe'er. The book gave me insight into some of my own tendencies and was very helpful in understanding the students I encounter on a daily basis. If you would like a good read on understanding people born from 1970-2000, I recommend this book. I want everyone to read it: those of us that fall in the category, people I work with, our parents, EVERYONE! She is funny and smart. Great book.

WARNING: If you're a big proponent of the "self-esteem movement" I don't think you're going to like this book. I do think you should still read it because she makes some fantastic points about the damage we're doing to children when we're more concerned about them feeling good over learning, behaving appropriately, and taking responsibility for their actions.

life updated

As the end of a very hectic work week quickly approaches I am sitting at my desk eating lunch thinking how to update my fearless readers on the happenings of my life.

I've not been sure of whether or not it was time for me to move on from my current employment situation for a year or so. I love what I do most days. I consider myself to be blessed to have found work that I'm excited about, enjoy doing it and think I'm pretty good at( I say all of this to say that I have good days and bad days at work like everyone). I recognize that not everyone is afforded this luxury. I know plenty of people who have to work jobs they don't enjoy but need to pay bills. I digress.

I've been uncertain of the direction to take my career development. This summer I applied for three different positions at three different universities, two in Seattle and one in Texas. After a long summer of uncertainty, I was offered a position at the university in Texas - just last week. They wanted me to be in Texas by next weekend. After time of weighing my options I decided that it was best for me to decline the offer at this time. I struggled with this decision because along with a great opportunity for work was an opportunity for grad school. I would have been able to get the degree in Student Affairs in Higher Ed at a greatly reduced price. So, it was hard to say no but I didn't feel like I could get myself to Texas at the time requested and I didn't feel like it would be very fair to my current employer to leave during this time of year (I'm in charge of our new student orientation program that begins in 2 weeks).

After a long, anxiety- filled summer, I am at peace with staying where I am for now. There are some really exciting possibilities here for me. I am going to pursue a graduate program - you can all pray that I get accepted to one and that I will find the funding to finance the education. I will update you when I know more about what my position may look like here. Today I'm officially changing my mood on the sidebar to peaceful.

On that note, I need to go back to work because it's crazy around here. Making housing assignments has not gone smoothly this year. AT ALL!

On a much lighter note than my previous one turned out to be: Big Brother is back!!! Good summertime fun! I love the opportunity this gives me to hang out with some girlfriends and escape the real world for a few hours each week. Yesterday was Breanna's birthday so we got together for cheesecake and Big Brother. What else could a girl want? It has been nice seeing Breanna. I think it was last summer when we last hung out for any great length of time. See, reality TV can bring people together!!! :)

Happy Friday!

JASON IS MY HERO!!!!

So, I think I broke my template. I can't add a title to any new posts. What have I done? I do like that I found ways to change up my template a wee bit. I'll keep messing with and perhaps I will find a way to get titles back. We'll see.

I just finished Barack Obama's book and it was good. It wasn't until the epilogue that his readers find where the title of the book comes from:

"It wasn't just the struggles of these men and women that had moved me. Rather, it was their determination, their self-reliance, a relentless optimism in the face of hardship. It brought to mind a phrase that my pastor, Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr., had once used in a sermon.

The audacity of hope.

That was the best of the American spirit, I thought - having the audacity to believe despite all the evidence to the contrary that we could restore a sense of community to a nation torn by conflict; the gall to believe that despite personal setbacks, the loss of a job or an illness in the family or a childhood mired in poverty; we had some control - and therefore responsibility- over our own fate.

It was that audacity, I thought, that joined us as one people. It was that pervasive spirit of hope that tied my own family's story to the larger American story, and my own story to those of the voters I represent."

I dare to take it one step further. The audacity of hope to me suggests that each American, dare I say human, has the responsibility to all humankind to restore a sense of community in the world, despite our differences. All of humankind should live life recognizing that we are more alike than we are different.

tricky, very tricky

I'm in a really weird place. I don't know how to formulate my thoughts and don't know what to say. Maybe sooner than later I will be able to put some thoughts together to share. I have thoughts about faith, the world, my future...everything. Until then, I thought I'd say hello to the four of you who read this. HI!

I can tell you that I just finished reading Dead Man Walking by Sister Helen Prejean. What a phenomenal book! I have been processing how I view capital punishment. I think I always thought capital punishment didn't make sense but reading this text gave me words and reasons why I cannot support it. (This is one of the many things going through my head right now and why I feel like I could be going crazy! I am overwhelmed by everything I have been ignorant to in the world and I'm beginning to pay attention and I can't process all of it.)

SO...I'm medicating with a combination of reality TV and food! This is how I numb the pain! This way I don't have to think about all of the things I should be thinking about and discussing with the blogosphere. I think maybe I'm having the breakdown now that I thought would happen last year with turning 30.

On Being Sick

Last night at home group our lesson was on peace. We read scripture about having peace and being at peace. It wasn't until we were almost done with our closing prayer that I thought:

"We haven't even discussed the turmoil going on in the world. Turmoil caused by others and turmoil caused by us."

We thanked God for giving us peace but we didn't even bother praying for those who are fighting in a war, those being murdered who just want to live their lives with a little dignity, or ask forgiveness for not paying attention to what is going on in the world.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. (Matt 5:9)

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18)

I want to vomit thinking about what we are doing in the world or not doing for that matter. I want to vomit because it seems that Lindsay Lohan's DUI is more important than murder and war. I am sad. I don't have all of the answers, I don't have a solution to the political agendas of either side of the issue. All I know is I am a Christ follower and I don't think he would be in Iraq right now. I take that back. I know he is there right now but I think we'll find him comforting those who have lost loved ones or weeping over the destruction. I'm fairly confident that he isn't driving a tank or torturing people to get information out of them. I don't say all of this in an effort to be unsupportive of the troops who are over there doing what they are told. We need to WAKE UP AMERICA and tell our representatives that this insanity has got to end! How can we justify what we're doing? THIS IS REAL...not a movie out of Hollywood. These are real people and real lives. Not only have 655,000 Iraqi's died but 3,728 coalition deaths have also occured. I am guilty of passivity. I can't do it any more. I refuse to do it any longer. I don't know how I am going to make a difference - I think this is what they want us to think- but I'm going to try. I also think about the crisis in Darfur, AIDS crisis in Africa, and poverty in America. I'm sick over everything going on in the world that hasn't mattered enough for me to stand up against it and cry out in disgust. Well I'm disgusted and the first place I am going to hang out is at the feet of God and ask him for forgiveness and then ask what I can do. He has heard my cry. He promises me this much.

But he took note of their distress when he heard their cry. (Psalm 106:44)

There is a lot of unsettled business in life right now. Things are a little strange at church - we are going through another transition. I'm finding it difficult to remain commited and enthusiastic about everything. I love everyone but it's hard to keep thinking positively.

I am in the process of figuring out some things that are exciting and promising opportunities for me. I will know more in the next few weeks but I would love for everyone to pray about these things for me. I will be happy to share more when I know more. I am thankful for new opportunities!

I am listening to Rick Atchley's sermon series on Heaven. It is AMAZING! Makes one excited about heaven rather than hopeful to avoid hell. A better way to live life. Gotta go listen!!!

Peace!

Bragging for a minute (or like 10 seconds)

I got an A in my stats class. I'm pretty proud of myself, if I do say so myself. :)

Sunshine

I am sitting at an internet cafe on the campus of Pepperdine University looking out at the ocean, not working. There's not much else to say. :)

Bivariate Statistics, Crosstabs

Does anyone want to do my stats quiz for me? Anyone, anyone? I promise it won't be fun.

Time Flies When You're Having...Fun?

Has it really been a month? I suppose so. What have I been doing? Let's see...

• Went to the opera on Thursday night. Saw Wagner's The Flying Dutchman. It was on the dull side. Depressing.
• Dropped off a bunch of students and three faculty members in Seattle for a class trip to the east coast. I stayed and hung out with Jean and her husband for the weekend.
• While in Seattle Jean and I went to a fashion show at Macy's hosted by Clinton Kelly from TLC's What Not To Wear. The fashion show was for us rounder ladies. He is ADORABLE! We had a good time.
• Spring break this week. QUIET at work. I got more done in one day than I get done in a typical week.
• Went to the dentist on Monday. Fun times.
• Saw Sarah Mac and several other college friends a couple of weekends ago. We hung out at Rici's and had a blast. It was fun to see everyone. There seems to be a common theme among young adults: our lives aren't nearly as glamorous as we'd hoped for. We're all getting a wee bit boring in our older age (older age being in comparison to college). Some are busy being married and having babies. Some of us are not married but don't have very exciting lives. It was fun to love on each other and remind one another that we are still cool people. :)
• I've decided that being single would be a lot more fun if I had extra money to do the things that every married person says they would do if they were single. Like traveling. If I could fund the excersions, I would be traveling all over the world and taking weekend trips to nearby cities. Instead, I work for no money and end up at home depressed by my boring life. HELP! Anyone want to fund my trips?
• Thanks Sarah for the advice on Diva. I think I may be a convert.
• Went to dinner with mom on Monday night. I was still in the process of coming off the novocaine from the dentist so it was interesting trying to eat my dinner. We went to the new Macaroni Grill at Clackamas. Yum! It was nice to hang out with momma. We don't do it much because she works most evenings.
• I have to go back to Seattle on Friday to pick up the travelers. See you Friday, Jean!

Well, that's it for now. Not a super exciting life but I'm managing. March has flown by. Only one month until all the students depart. I'm ready. I am going to Pepperdine for the Lectureships this year. I'm excited! I've never been.

Hope for Tomorrow

Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence.
The bliss of growth,
The glory of action,
The splendour of achievement
Are but experiences of time.
For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision;
And today well-lived, makes
yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well therefore to this day;
Such is the salutation to the ever-new dawn!
~Kalisada


A student brought this poem to me yesterday because she thought it was beautiful and she wanted to give me some encouragement (I really do have a pretty amazing job, for all of my grumblings) as I make life decisions and struggle making them. I'm not doing well with life right now. I want to pull my head under the blankets and avoid all decision-making necessities. Do I go to grad school? Do I stay at my job? Is this what I want to do long term? Is it a reality that I may never get married and have a family of my own? Can I find a way to be at peace with God about that reality, because I certainly don't want to be at peace with it? Do I pick up my life and move to Texas or stay in Portland? I mean, my family and friends are here. I feel comfortable and safe here but I'm not happy here, nothing feels like it's working. I'm not doing my job as well as I could be. I'm not living my life the way I should be. I'm disappointed in myself.

I was having dinner at a friend's house last night and we were watching an Oprah from a couple of weeks ago when they were discussing "The Secret". One thing that I took away to ask myself is if I feel like I truly deserve to be happy, to have the things in life that I want, deserve to be treated well (including treating myself well) and whether or not I deserve to be loved (including loving myself). These are important questions to ask. I can't say that my answer to these questions is yes. Here is my problem. I'm not convinced that I deserve these things. I mean if I respond quickly (and with the right answer) I would say yes but if I reflect and take time to think about it I can't say yes to these questions. I haven't been treating myself very well. I have not taken time to give thanks to God for all of the blessings that he has given me. In my selfishness, I have looked mainly at my flaws and misfortunes, which compared to most people in the world, my misfortunes are laughable. A lot of what the teachers of "The Secret" was more new agey than I am interested in but the principles got me thinking about how I treat myself and made me think about the things that God wants us to get about ourselves. One of the teachers said that Jesus taught that the "Kingdom of God is within us" which gives us the power to live a full life. Now, I don't remember reading that anywhere but I get the idea. I mean technically, the kingdom is within us because of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. We have the power of change because we have God within us. He gives us the power. I am praying for a miracle and a change in my thinking. I need to be made over and renew my spirit. I'm tired of being tired. I've been working on my physical health and I thought taking these steps would help (and I think they have) but there is another piece to the puzzle that is missing. My spiritual health is weak at best and I can't continue functioning this way.

I covet your prayers. We all deserve the best life that we've been promised through Christ. Why am I not claiming this as mine too? I want others to claim it yet I forget to claim it daily for myself. This isn't how I was made to live.

Dr. Maya Angelou - In the Flesh

I had the pleasure of seeing, hearing, absorbing Dr. Maya Angelou last week with my friend Laketa (thanks to mom and dad for my Christmas present)! All I can say is that she is amazing and her two hours of speaking felt like 5 minutes (So I felt like I was shorted but I know she really did speak for two hours).

Dr. Angelou challenged us to think of the influence we each have. She suggested that our influence may be greater than we will ever realize. She told stories about her uncle who was crippled in a small town in Arkansas and his influence was felt across generations and in powerful places. She said that she runs into people, like the Mayor of Little Rock, or the State Senator who have been touched by the life of this man who would have never imagined this as a part of his story. We sell ourselves short too often. We need to have the courage to imagine the possibilities. Dr. Angelou challenged us to practice the virtue of courage because without courage, you cannot consistently practice any of the other virtues.

Good stuff...


The most fun part of the evening was going to the Heathman Hotel for coffee and dessert after and having Dr. Maya Angelou come in for dinner!!! Laketa tried to figure out a way to meet her. We are still arguing about this part of the evening because she got all crazy and weird. She says she would have been totally appropriate. I wanted us to leave her alone (because she shared stories about how she has had to stop traveling by airplane and train because people get all weird and start freaking out and poking her, etc). I thought Laketa was headed down that path. It was fun to see her in person up close, though. I am thankful that Laketa didn't orchestrate a "chance meeting".

Upcoming Interfaith Services

I have had a couple of requests to post the upcoming interfaith services after my last post on the prayer service for peace.

February:

Sunday, February 18th 4:00-5:30pm
Topic: How Do We as People of Faith Protect Our Earth for Future Generations?
Location: Soka Gakkai International, 1895 SE Ankeny, Portland

March:

Sunday, March 18th 4:00-5:30pm
Topic: How Do People of Faith Help Bring Peace to this World?
Location: First Unitarian Church, 1011 SW 12th, Portland

April:

Sunday, April 15th 4:00-5:30pm
Topic: How Do We as People of Faith Support Religious Tolerance?
Location: Congregation Neveh Shalom, 2900 Peaceful Lane, Portland

May:

Sunday, May 20th 4:00-6:00pm
Topic: How Do We as People of Faith Support Families?
Location: Muslim Education Trust, 10300 SW Scholls Ferry Rd, Tigard

Peace

Last night I went to an interfaith service for peace at a Lutheran church in Northeast Portland. I was blessed to hear the perspectives of many people from many different faith backgrounds. I sat on the pew and took in all they had to say. These people were all so gentle in spirit and had deep devotion to God and to humanity. Their perspectives were new and refreshing. While these faith leaders have fundamental differencesin their beliefs, they were able to share things and agree that what we are doing in Iraq and aroung the world is not noble nor honorable. These spiritual leaders prayed earnestly for the troops serving in war and for the people we are attaacking. They want healing and reconciliation. They want people of faith to stand up against violence.

I am still processing and may have more to share at a later time. In the meantime, I encourage anyone reading this to contact your Congressmen/women and let them know that you want the insanity of this war to end!

Snow Day

Today I am stuck at home because of the sudden onset of snow. I am already battling a cold so I'm thankful for a day of rest and a boss who said "Don't even bother trying to come in later, just stay home and get some rest". Ok, twist my arm.

I've been laying on the couch all morning watching the news, flipping through other channels and reading.

Today I'm glad that I don't work at home like my dad, because he is still working. :) No travel excuses for him. He is currently out taking a walk up to the grocery store so that we have some food for dinner. Yay dad!

Hopefully we will melt and all will be normal tomorrow.

Alrighty, back to the couch for reading and relaxing. I am glad that my throat is no longer on fire and I can swallow like a normal person. Simple pleasures people, simple pleasures.

Being LAZY

I had the pleasure of being out of the office for 11 days and I LOVED every last stinkin' minute of it. My week consisted of lots of movie watching, old TV show watching and book reading. When I say that I watched a lot of DVD's I don't think that I am actually portraying with much accuracy. When I think of it, I will have to get a list of all the things I watched during my week off.

Some that I do remember are:
*Kate & Allie (Season 1)
*24 (Season 4)
*Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
*Bewitched
*Millions
*Prozac Nation
*House of D
*Felicity Season 3 (first three discs)
*Brooklyn Lobster
*World Trade Center
*The Excorcism of Emily Rose
*Heavenly Creatures
*The Black Dahlia
*The Skeleton Key
*Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont

I know, I know, it's a ridiculously long list of things to watch but it's not exhaustive and I don't get to this very often. I justify it all by saying that I also read (or completed) three books during this time. I FINALLY picked up Running With Scissors and finished reading it. I kept pushing it back to read other things. THanks for letting be borrow it Breanna! It was good and weird all at the same time. I've never read anything like it. I feel like the next guest on Oprah is going to be Augustun Burroughs (the author) calling him out for making up his stories like James Frey because how can this be real???!!!! I also finished a book related to work: College of the Overwhelmed, and the second volume of Maya Angelou's autobiography, Gather Together In My Name. There are still too many books to read in the amount of time that I have in a day! I am on a mission to get through as many volumes of Ms. Angelou's autobiography as possible before she comes to town in February. My brilliant parents got me tickets to see her for Christmas! I went to see her a couple of years ago with Jean and I loved every minute of it. I wanted to be sure and see her again.

My break was refreshing and restful. There haven't been many vacations where I really just did whatever I wanted. I loved every minute of it. Now, I am back at work scrambling and trying to get ready for the students coming back next week. I am always filled with mixed emotions when they come back. I want to see them but I like the quiet. Back to work I go.

World AIDS Day

I realize that I am a bit slow in getting this post written, considering World AIDS Day was Friday, December 1st. I was blessed to be a part of planning, what I thought turned out to be a beautiful day. A colleague, and friend, felt convicted that we as an institution need to acknowledge this event. She worked hard to be sure that everything came together.

We received 200 pictures of children from around the world who have been affected by the disease. They could have lost family or neighbors. We attached these pictures on stakes and placed them around campus, under trees wrapped with red ribbons. We also posted HIV/AIDS facts on the trees.

Our chapel program was phenomenal, if I do say so myself. We commissioned one of our amazing drama students to write three monologues to be performed in chapel. She wrote powerful testimonies, one was a sister of man who died, one was a mother and wife who discovered that she and her baby were positive, and a young woman who discovered that she, too, was positive and dealing with the abandonment by her family. I was blown away by the performances of the three talented actors who played these women. We interlaced the monologues with a slideshow of people who are living with AIDS and those who have passed on. My friend, C, gave a little information about each person's story in the slide (name, age, diagnosed in ..., lost spouse in...etc.). We carefully orchestrated music and read two excerpts from two stories. To end the program and lace all of the pieces together, one of our professors stood up in silence for as long as he could keep the attention of the students. He quoted UN Secretary General, Kofi Annan, saying about the AIDS crisis "silence is death". As Christians, we cannot remain silent. As humans, we cannot remain silent.

This day challenged me and I pray it challenged our students. We are responsible for those around us. We are called to love those around us and show compassion for them. We are not called to judge or decide who is worth of our attention. I think if Jesus were on earth today, he would be in the AIDS hospices and in villages ravaged by this non-discriminating disease. He would be loving them and telling them that his Father loves them. I hope I can do the same.

I am challenged to find my voice to fight for those who need attention. I don't know what this looks like in my life but I feel called to not remain silent.

Silence Is Death.

Where Have I Been????

I realize it has been quite some time since I have had anything to say. I will give you a quick rundown of life's happenings. Perhaps in the near future I will actually have something interesting to say.

* moved in with the 'rents (not the most exciting thing at 30)
* spoke in chapel twice the week before break. Once to the women and once to the entire student body (we told stories of Thanksgiving/Thankfulness)
* working on a AIDS Awareness chapel with 3 colleagues for World AIDS Day (Fri, December 2nd)
* had last week off for Thanksgiving. I was in desperate need of vacation.
* looking into grad school for next fall (this is why I moved in with mom and dad)
* went north this weekend to visit Jean and her husband
* read A LOT last week
* helped Mike and Janna move into a bigger place
* spent Thanksgiving at Mike and Janna's new place. I had so much fun with my neice and nephew. They are amazing!
* went to a book signing and had the pleasure of saying hello to Ellyn Burstyn (she is SO beautiful and classy)
* went to a show with a friend (I always forget how much I enjoy live theatre)
* went to NW 23rd with a couple of friends last week. We had lunch and shopped around. I was inspired into Christmas spirit. Also, I love Moonstruck truffles. YUM!
* I can't believe that it is approaching December rather quickly. Another year flies by!
* I'm sure there is more but I need to get back to work! Another entry soon I hope.

Lots of Me

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 1,458 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Post Number Two From The Road

I am getting myself ready to head back to Portland in the morning. I will sure be glad to sleep in my own bed! I had a great trip. I enjoyed seeing others who do this work with students and being affirmed in the work I do. I am blessed to have some allies on campus who know what kind of work I do and in a lot of ways, I think I have it better than other campuses simply because we're smaller and we aren't fighting so many battles with administration and faculty. I do however feel like we've used our size as a cop out to not do the best work we can do for our students. I know I have. I've used a lack of funding and resources as my excuse to not come up with creative solutions to our problems and have not felt entitled to fight for what is good and right for our students.

I feel empowered to develop my own skill set and focus on my own professional development. No one is a better advocate for myself than myself. I want to be better equipped so that I can better equip. There is much for me to process and I will be able to this on my journey home tomorrow. Please pray for traveling mercies as I venture back to the beautiful city I love.

Portland, here I come!!!

Note Number One From Trip

Two quick notes about online mapping:

1. Be thankful that rental car man asked to look at directions before you left Detroit so that I didn't end up in downtown Detroit without a clue as to where to go because they've closed the road you were told to take!!!

2. Don't assume directions are accurate. It's always hit and miss. They got me to and from Target with ease this afternoon (to get contact solution that was confiscated at airport) but this evening when trying to meet the rest of the group here for the conference, totally dropped me at the wrong location. The directions left out about 10 miles of the trip. Awesome. :) Clearly I figured it out when I called the other hotel. They got me to them and we had an excellent evening. I am now back cozy in my hotel room. Praise Jesus.

Had a great first evening with everyone. We were able to catch up and meet new people who have joined the club.

Off to see the Wizard

I know I know it's been quite some time since I last posted. Life has been crazy and weird. There is much I could say about what has been going on with me spiritually and emotionally but what I can say right now is that I am doing better.

I am heading to Rochester College in the Detroit area for few days. I am attending a Student Service Conference where I will be hanging out with several people who do what I do. It's a great time to learn from each other and receive encouragement for our work. It's a fun time. This is my first trip by myself. I usually have my boss with me. I'm kind of glad because then I don't have to come up with random small talk while we travel. Thanks!!! This gets to be down time to read and relax. I even brought season 5 of Gilmore Girls, just in case there is a DVD player in my hotel room.

Tag You're It

Big Mike tagged me to play the booklist game:

A book that changed my life: Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. Totally changed the way I understand God's love for me and all humankind.

A book I've read more than once: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (romantic and girly); Bridget Jones' Diary by Helen Fielding (hilarious and more like my life, except for the sex, someday maybe); Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers; Sacred Romance, Curtis and Eldridge

A book I would take with me if I were stuck on a desert island: Celebration of Disciplines by Richard Foster (this would be an excellent opportunity to practice them)

A book that made me laugh: Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs (I'm not done with it but I have to say that most of my laughing from this book has been more nervous and horrified laughter)

A book that I wish had been written: The story of my life written by God so that I knew what my life would be like. I'm still hoping He will publish soon.

A book I wish had never been written: Anything by Rush Limbaugh (that guy is a troll)

A book I've been meaning to read: Well, let the list begin...currently on my to be read list, there's always more:
Confessions, Augustine
Lighting the Way: Nine Women Who Changed Modern America, Kareena Gore Schiff
Pledged: The Secret Life of Sororities, Alexandra Robbins
College of the Overwhelmed, Kadison and DiGeronimo
Generation Me:Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable Than Ever Before, Jean Twenge
No Perfect Christians Allowed, John Burke
I could keep going so I'll stop now...

I'm currently reading:
Running With Scissors, Burroughs
Streams of Living Water, Foster
Devotional Classics, Foster
Best Friends: The Pleasure and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendships, Apter and Josselson

Tag, You're It:
Rebecca Marie
Sarah Parker
Breanna
Amy Fennell (eventhough I know you don't have a blog that you use)
Jean

My People Are The Best Gifts

I don't even know how to begin to describe the feeling of love I felt as my friends and family celebrated my 30 years with me. I am blessed beyond words with the most amazing people God could ever give to a human being. At a time when I needed love and affirmation most, my people met me there.

What an amazing night. I spent a week doing new student orientation, I was tired and spent. I got home from the Oregon coast around 2pm and went and had a manicure given to me by my parents tp relax and shift from work to personal life. I went home and got ready. I put on my pretty party dress and was picked up by mom and dad and off we were to the party. They drove me to an undisclosed location (a home of some friends). We pulled into the driveway only to be met by a beautifully decorated yard. I opened the door to everyone yelling "Hooray!!!!". I was overwhelmed!!! Totally and completely blown away at this beautiful site. Now, I knew that Paula wouldn't mess around but HELLO!!! Her husband greeted me with a freshly made beverage and I began hugging and saying hello to my friends. I got a plate of food (YUM everyone!!!!) had a seat and began having great conversations. People kept arriving as the next hour or so went on. My mother told us later that she counted 45 people present. Eric wrote me a fabulous birthday song (Paula, you were a wonderful mic stand) and after blowing out the candles on my gorgeous birthday cake (thanks Rici!!!!), I got to open my presents. FUN!!!! I was humbled by the generousity of all of my friends and family. I want everyone to know that I DID get the KitchenAid mixer that I have been asking for for several years now (thanks Paula and her clan). I was so touched by the celebration of me. I've always known that I am loved but I knew, really knew, that night how much I am loved by the people in my life. It is easy to forget because the world is always screaming words of inadequacy. I don't say I felt loved because they gave me fantastic gifts. The gifts were an amazing bonus but my heart was so touched by the heartfelt words written in the cards and the words and stories shared in conversations. I was so overwhelmed while sitting on the deck and looking down at all of the people who are in my life. I am so blessed to be loved by so many wonderful people. The timespan represented all of the years of my life. My family, college friends and cherished relationships that have developed in the last few years talking to one another, coming together all in one place.

My soul was satisfied that night. My heart overflowed with joy and peace. I felt calm, serene...content. I imagine it must be what we will feel when we are reunited in heaven. For me, my 30th birthday was a preview of what I will feel when I am reunited with all of my loved ones in a more beautiful and precious place. I thank God for the people who were with me that night. I thank God for the friends and family who were unable to be with us. I know that the same love is shared with them. For as much joking as I made about turning 30 and wanting to be celebrated like those who marry, I am serious when I say that every person deserves to feel the way I felt that night. Every human should have their souls touched the way mine was that night. What an amazing and overwhelming feeling. I imagine this is the way one feels when they meet the person they choose to spend their life with. There is no doubt in my mind that I am valued and important to people in this world. There is no doubt in my mind that those who share Jesus have a much deeper connection than those who do not. In a world where selfishness is prized, I pray that we spend our lives trying to make others feel the way I did on my birthday. If we each made this our goal, I think the world would be a better place because more people would know Jesus.

Thank you to all of my amazing and wonderful friends and family who worked so hard to make me feel so special. Words will never adequately express the way I felt and still feel. I am still wiping away tears so that I can see to type this post. These thoughts do not do justice for what you deserve to hear. Thank you. My heart is overflowing.

TTFN...

I don't think that I will have much opportunity to post here for the next few weeks. Life gets crazy this time of year with the students returning to campus and all that it requires. I hope to have moments here and there to update you on how life is going for me.

We are adding a new element to our freshman orientation program this year. We are requiring them to do something academic! I know, I know. You would think at an institution of higher learning it would be a given but there aren't many schools that use a book as a part of their orienation program. I am reading through the text right now. We are using Donald Miller's Searching For God Knows What. I am enjoying it. He focuses on the relational aspect of God and how our relationship (separation from Him) changed in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve were deceived by Satan. In some ways it reminds me of a book I read last year by John Piper called Don't Waste Your Life. Both authors focus on the fact that we were created to be in relationship with God and because of the separation that occurred, we look to other things to meet that natural need. Miller talks about how devastated Adam and Eve must have been. Think about it: You were in the presence of God. There was no need for anything else because you could talk to God face to face at any and all times. He was your companion. The Creator of the Universe and then stupid conniving Satan deceives you and immediately, IMMEDIATELY your relationship with God is forever changed. How they must have felt! To go from being with God to being separated. Miller says he can't even begin to imagine what they must have felt. I could keep going and I'm only half way through the book! I look forward to hearing what the students have to say about it. College students always have interesting insight. I think we've chosen a great book for them to read.

Ok, off to make nametags and other exciting things!

YAY!

I'm not at work! I'm not at work yeah yeah yeah!

Part of My Past

At one time in my life, I wanted more than anything to sing opera professionally. I had a gift and felt like I could make something of my life using that gift. I trained (not as much as I should have, I wasn't that driven) and even got into a music conservatory. Now, when I say I got into a conservatory, it was definately not Juilliard or the New England Conservatory of Music but when I just googled music conservatories, the school I attended was second on the list (not that it means anything). I wanted to dress in ridiculous costumes and wear too much makeup. I wanted to use my dramatic personality for good and not for evil. I was caught up in the glamour and sophistication. I wanted curtain calls and roses delivered to my dressing room. I wanted to move people to tears.

I have to say that I honestly don't know what happened other than God had a different plan for my life. More accurately, I was scared of not actually being good enough to make it and so it was easy to "blame it" on God's plan and not work hard enough to be successful. I was 18 and I wanted to play with my friends not study the stupid piano or learn music theory(how I regret not doing these things). I've always had a good story when people ask why I didn't pursue it. I can honestly say now that most of my decisions were made out of fear. I hate that about myself. I hate that I let my fears drive my decisions rather than honor God by being fearless. I know that I was given a natural ability to sing but my brothers were always hands down better musicians than I could have ever hoped to be (you should have heard either one of them play their chosen instruments back in the day). I was afraid that I would never be able to overcome my lack of natural musicianship, never be as good as them musically let alone all of the other people I was competing with in school. There has always been a joke in the music world that you can be a musician or you can be a singer. Never both. I was definately the singer.

In the last few days, as I've been giving Paula information for what I'm assuming is for my birthday, I've been mourning the loss of the career I didn't have. She wanted to know what my favorite song is. Simple question, right? Wrong! As a music lover, there is NO WAY you can pick one, but I immediately thought of an aria (I won't disclose in case it's part of a game or something. No questions, I promise, Paula). Everytime I hear this aria, I am moved to tears. As I've been thinking about this, accompanied with the knowledge that I'm about to turn 30, I wonder where I would be if I had finished my studies in music. As a Christian I can't discount God's hand in my life. I also cannot imagine my life without the move to Portland and knowing the people I know now. My life is forever changed because of my decision to leave the conservatory for both good and bad reasons.

I can't help but wonder what my life might be like today if I had not changed schools. I haven't thought about it much in the 11 years since I made this decision. I don't listen much to classical music because I begin to miss it and regret starts to creep in. I don't have many regrets in my life but when I sit down and think about it, I do regret this one at times. I try not to think about it and have avoided it as much as possible. When I do think about it, I begin to wonder where I would be living and what I might be doing. Would I have made it professionally? Was I good enough? Could I be singing in opera houses around the world? Would I have seen Paris and London, New York City? Would people recognize me on the street? Could I pay my bills? Would I be driving something other than my 92 Corolla? Would I be a waitress still hoping to be discovered at the right place at the right time? Would I be happier? Would I be more fulfilled? Would I be considered successful by the world's standards? Would I have a relationship with God or would I have forsaken Him in order to move up the ladder of success? I knew even then that I was capable of turning my back on Him. One of the reasons that I left that world was because most people you interact with on a daily basis have no appreciation for opera. How many 18 year olds do you know that are passionate about Puccini and Mozart, Wagner and Rossini? Do you even know who they are (my family and Sarah Parker are not allowed to answer this question)? In many ways, I felt like an outsider and I was desperate to fit in. When I moved to Portland, there were even fewer people around me who had any kind of understanding or appreciation for opera so I put this part of my life on a shelf. I never gave a recital in college even though I planned two and came up with great excuses both times. I came very close my senior year but my voice teacher left unexpectedly. If I really wanted to do it, I could have. In post-music life, I still never really fit in. My voice was difficult to blend because it was big, there was a definite classically trained sound that didn't work for a small group trying to sing contemporary worship music. I only really got to showcase my talent on the few occasions that a soloist was needed with the choir. I wish that, though I decided to give it up as a career, I would have continued to persue it for personal enjoyment. I wish I would have chosen to continue to train and coaxed friends into going to see the Portland Opera perform each season, just to give them the experience (even if they didn't like it). I wish I had given myself a little more credit and not been embarrassed by the voice God gave me. I wish I had enough confidence to develop the gift I had been given. I hated the people who came across so arrogant about their talent and didn't want to be one of those people so I, in many ways, stepped into the background and didn't acknowledge this part of who I am.

The impending big 3-0 has unleashed all of the pent up emotion and desire about this long lost passion of mine. Who knew that Paula asking me a simple question about my favorite song would open up so much inside of me that I didn't realize was being stifled for so many years? I am going to proudly embrace this part of myself without apology! While I can never attain the career that could have been, there are many ways to feed this part of my soul and I'm gonna! I am going to blast operas when I'm at home, I'm going to save up my money and buy tickets to the opera and I may even start taking voice lessons again! Maybe I'll get up enough guts to audition for the Portland Opera chorus or a community choir!

Thank you Paula for asking me about my favorite song.

Registered

For a few years now I have joked that if I was unmarried by my thirtieth birthday, I was going to register for gifts. Please understand that while I love gifts (who doesn't?), I don't expect people to buy me presents. I don't feel anyone owes me but I thought it would be funny and I have a theory about the single girl that has recently been confirmed by Carrie Bradshaw. Single people get the shaft when it comes to celebrating them!

I am admitting to one of my guilty pleasures tonight (ok two...I am watching a tape of tonight's Big Brother episode while I type this). I love to watch Sex and the City. If you haven't watched it, I think that it is a great show about women's relationships with each other and their relationships with the men in their lives (obviously as the title implies). I wish it didn't have such blatant sexual overtones but its candor is appreciated. I LOVE watching the girls interact with each other. They do a great job of conveying the reality of a group of girlfriends.

Focus Rebecca.

Carrie (the main character in the show) is invited to a baby shower for a friend, a character played by Tatum O'Neal. Carrie gets to the party and is asked to remove her shoes, a beautiful pair of Minolo Blahniks, because they want to minimize the dirt and germs brought in to the children. Carrie tried to explain that her shoes were an important part of her outfit but in the end, she respected their request and added her beloved shoes to the pile. When it was time for her to go home, her shoes were gone! How does that happen? Did someone actually steal her shoes? Tatum's character lent her some hideous keds or something to borrow for her walk home assuming that her shoes would eventually show up. Her shoes never showed up and when she spoke to her host, she offered (eventually) to pay for her shoes. When Carrie told her how much the shoes cost ($485) she didn't feel like she should have to pay for Carrie's extravagent lifestyle. Here is how the conversation went:

"I shouldn't have to pay for your extravagant lifestyle choices"
Tatum's character.

"But you used to spend this kind of money all of
the time for shoes" Carrie responded.

"Well, that was before I had kids, before I had a
real life where you have to think about kids and mortgages..."

Carrie was stunned and left.

A few days later walking down the street with her
friend Charlotte:

" What happened to our friend? Why does she think her life
is more important than mine? Lifestyle choices??? I've done the
math...I have spent approximately$1200 celebrating her lifestyle
choices...engagement gift, wedding gift, three baby gifts...where's my gift???
Where is my 'Congratulations you didn't marry the wrong man' card?" Carrie
questioned.

"hmmm...maybe you're right...ooh! Birthdays!"
Charlotte exlaimed.

"Nope, married people still have birthdays" Carrie
responded.

Charlotte nodded in agreement.

Later that week, Carrie left a message on
Tatum's machine announcing that she was getting married...to herself and she was
registered at Minolo Blahnik.

Carrie received a replacement pair
of shoes in the mail (it was the only thing she registered for).

So, in celebration of single gals everywhere...I am sharing my wish list with all of you. You can find me on Amazon.com*. Shop away in celebration of me! If you aren't interested in buying me a gift for my birthday, I would love to receive "Congratulations on not marrying the wrong man!" gifts. Here's to turning 30 and not getting the gifts that others get when their lifestyle choices are celebrated! I want a Kitchenaid just like all the married girls!

*I actually created this list in an effort to remember books I wanted to read, movies I wanted to watch and evolved into a Christmas list for family. I promise!!! It's a great tool for remembering all of these things. I recommend it if you have an aging brain like mine.

I'm Bored

I'm one of those people who would like to rearrange my furniture every 6 months but my stinking apartment is too small to do much reconfiguring so I feel ansy. All of this to say...I am bored with the look of my blog and would like for people to suggest a change. Would everyone participate in a competition to chose a new skin for my page? Any takers? What should the winner win?

Ready.....

Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reflections On My First Day Back To Work

My first day back at work was fine. I came in and couldn't log onto my computer. I was hoping that it got damaged by the water leak while I was gone but it wasn't. I had a bad network card. Someday I will find a way to get a new computer!!! It took all morning for our IT guy to figure out what was going on (he did keep getting called away. I promise he's not dumb). I talked with my coworker for a bit but then decided to respond to emails from one of our other office computers. I managed to come back to only 4 voicemails. YAY! I hate using the phone, in case anyone was wondering. I would much rather reply to 10 emails than return 1 phone call. I don't know why. I am fine on the phone. I know how to talk on the phone, I have a fantastic professional voice but I just don't like talking on the phone (this, however, does not stop my mother from calling for absolutely ridiculous reasons, or no reason at all for that matter). I did learn something today and what I learned today is that sometimes taking a vacation is not beneficial. There were several conversations that happened where all I wanted to do was yell: CAN I HAVE ONE DAY BACK BEFORE YOU DROP THIS ON ME??? I got over it.

I only have 5 weeks left until the freshmen move onto campus. Yikes! Things will still probably be kind of crazy for the next couple of months. Things always slow down after the students get here and get settled in. How did it get to be time for me to say these things again?! This year seems to have flown by. There have been good things learned about my work. I do enjoy what I do. I'm thankful for knowing this. I know this is what I want to do so long as I have to work (where, oh where, is my sugar daddy?). This is a big deal! I never thought I would find something that I love to do. I feel like I'm mostly good at what I do. Obviously, there are good days and bad days. I make mistakes, I say the wrong thing or make the wrong decision in a situation but more days than not, I am proud of my work. I feel like I do something that matters. I feel like I'm making a difference every single day. How many people get to say that right?

I am going to go finish watching this MSNBC show on Wabash Valley Correctional Facility. There are some very seriously ill people in prison. I'm rather intrigued by the program. This is where my psychology nerddom gets a little attention. In case you didn't know, my degree is in psychology and I love watching programs on unconventional mental health work and other "rehabilitation" programs and whether or not they seem to work. A professor from Indiana State University has been volunteering her time for over 20 years. She is teaching the inmates Shakespeare (specifically Macbeth). Talk about doing something that matters. I find this kind of work brave. Ok...gotta go.

Good night.

to do: list of things to do before i leave town

1. wash dishes (or stinky apartment is what I will come home to) - done
2. water plants - done
3. pay rent - done
4. get oil change - done (and radiator flush so I wouldn't blow out the radiator)
5. pay car insurance - done
6. return movie to blockbuster online (stick in the mail) - done
7. return recycling if time
8. wash car(tired of bird pooh on my car) - done
9. wash car windows - done
10. vacuum car interior if time - jiffy lube fellas did it for me...YAY!
11. pack - done
12. select CD's for drive (perhaps I'll listen to the Prince and Johnny Cash cd's I "borrowed" from rebecca marie) - done

And again today...

I have no doubt in my faith but these horoscopes are weird:

"You have been very busy telling other people what to do, dear Virgo. Why are you criticizing and thundering about so? Could it be that you are dissatisfied with yourself at the moment? Could it be that your job is causing you some problems, or that your colleagues are being too intense these days? When you get into moods like this, you know the source is often internal. So stop telling other people what to do and start to think about what you should do."

Sweet Release

I'm back at my desk at work totally exhausted. We had a great weekend though. I wish I had been able to enjoy more of the festivities rather than troubleshooting and organizing table assignments but someone had to do it. I've mostly only heard good things. Oh, there will always be grumpy people who find something to complain about (at a free event for 600 people) because that is all they know how to do, but overall it was a great success. It's always nice to see something come to fruition that has occupied so much time. It's nice to know that all of the hours of work and lack of sleep and socializing with friends was worth it. Our academic dean suggested this morning that this is "clearly the most significant event to EVER happen on our campus"! It's nice to think that you had a hand in making an historical event happen.

So, in the midst of 100+ temperatures, I will be drinking lots of coffee and water and thinking about my vacation next week. This will be the only thing that gets me through this week. I hope that I will have some level of productivity for my REAL job now that the reunion is over. I may actually get to see some of you again soon!

my horoscope today from msn...some might find it a little creepy

Are you a part of a religious or spiritual organization, dear Virgo? If so, is it something you really enjoy? There are many opportunities to get involved with your spiritual community that can bring you greater satisfaction. Check these out. There's also nothing saying you can't try out a couple of different organizations to see if you find a better fit for your personal needs if you are less than satisfied where you are. Expand your horizons today.

Quick Updates

• I have great friends.
• Monday night I got to hang out with Rebecca Marie. She made me dinner and gave me a pedicure. THAT is a friend! We were able to hang out and do some catching up. It was so nice.
• I was really crabby yesterday morning. I didn't feel very good.
• Big Mike stopped by the school and we went to lunch (cheaply!). Thanks Mike! It was nice to talk with him for a few minutes.
• Last night I got to go see Hairspray. It was FABULOUS! It was a great time to hang out with the Preuit's and Miss Fennell. Thanks for the ticket Leah! Sorry you missed it but I had a great time.
• Heather helped me make table assignments yesterday so it's not so terrible. I have a big floor plan hanging on my wall and we are having fun playing musical chairs. We should get it mostly done today! YAY!
• I have incredible friends who have been doing such a great job of encouraging me and a giving me a good dose of distraction and relaxation. I appreciate all of them helping me feel calm. In all of this, I have to thank God for all of them. I am sure that if I was not a Christian I would still have fabulous friends who took great care of me and loved me but I can't help but think that God is in all of it. I believe that he has orchestrated people to come around me when all I want to do is quit my job!

Random Stuff

• The College's big 50th anniversary is this next week and there will be 500+ people who come through campus.
• I'm tired.
• I just found out that one of my fabulous friends is planning me a 30th birthday bash! She's keeping secrets which I'm not a fan of but I'm excited because I know it will be fun whatever happens.
• I am taking a vacation! That's right, baby! One WHOLE WEEK off in July. Jean, I may want to come up and hang out for a long weekend or something. Let's talk!
• I hate making table assignments for 500 people I don't know.
• I need to get my brakes done.
• Grad school is looking better and better everyday.
• I'm glad my friend Rici's baby is ok.
• I'm enjoying Plan B by Anne Lamott.
• I desperately want a pedicure.
• How do you talk to an angel?
• I think I am taking a class in the fall from my old boss, Billy boy.
• Just when you think nothing good could possibly happen, you remember that your nephew's birthday party is on Saturday and that means you get to see the kids again.
• I miss seeing my friend Rebecca Marie. I feel like it's been 80 years and she lives 10 minutes away.
• Everyone...Yes, I said it, EVERYONE is having a baby.
• Except me.
• All I've been seeing lately are enlarged uteruses.
• Uteruses is a weird word.
• Why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near?
• I'm kind of addicted to "So you think you can dance". I don't think I can. wish I could.
• While I don't have a very good computer at work, they had a laptop I could use this week so I can do work at home and not be stuck in my office 12 hours a day.
• Albertson's generic Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream is really good. It has the good kind of chocolate shavings in it. Not actual mini chocolate chips. Gross.
• I watch The Hills on MTV. I admit it. Lauren's friend Heidi is really really dumb. Like for real.
• Who are you going to vote back into the Big Brother house?
• I watched Britney Spears on Dateline last night. She cried. While I realize she is a real person, I still find her odd, like real people are. Also, the paparazzi is really weird. The whole concept. They showed her trying to lay out on the beach and there were like 20 people hovering around her trying to take the exact same picture of her. I would be angry too (I probably wouldn't be laying out on the beach trying to tan, let alone in a bathing suit, though).
• I keep making bullets so I don't have to go back to work. I guess I should go back to work.

The First Step

The thought of grad school scares the dickens out of me. It's a big commitment. I am saying that I am more of an "expert" in this particular field and kind of obligate myself to this kind of work. I know I wouldn't have to do it forever but it would be more difficult to walk away from it. The idea of acquiring more student loans scares me and the thought of working for another college weirds me out a bit. I am comfortable with my current employer and I know my current environment. It seems strange to think about going elsewhere to work. The thought of starting over somewhere else makes me nervous rather than excited. These feelings may come from a place of insecurity (feeling ill-equppedto do my job well). Who knows, maybe with a master's degree in my field, I would have more bargaining power with them or I would feel like I can go anywhere and do my job wonderfully.

Yesterday I requested information about a graduate program in my field of work. I know it doesn't seem like any kind of commitment or big deal but I have been thinking about it for a couple of years and after must frustration with my current situation I thought it was time to do something about it. I love my work. If I have to work, this is what I want to do. However, in my current job, I feel like I lack the necessary skills to do what should be done for our students and I don't know where to start to make the appropriate changes and improvements. I have so many great ideas but I have no information to show that they would be successful or beneficial and have no idea how to execute them if I were given permission to do so. I also want to make a better life for myself and with graduate level education, I would have more options available to me.

Here's to the first step in making a change for the better!

short-lived rant

While on my lunch break, I need to vent to the world for a minute. I have just spent 3 hours today trying to get one of our offices computers to work with a scanner. Why is this so difficult? Oh, perhaps it is because we have computers that are as old as me! What a waste of my time. I have more important things to do than mess around with a dumb scanner. Just when I think it works, no go! I'm so frustrated!!!!

I'm hoping that I to throw a big enough fit to be able to get at least one reasonably working computer in the office. I think that it should be reasonable to have one computer in the office that will burn a CD for a slideshow that I do every year. My student workers end up taking it and working on it on their own personal computers because they are nicer and do more. This is silly to me! I'm not asking for the nicest computer on the market just one that meets the demand of my job.

That's all. I'm done. Back to eating lunch.

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totally loafing about

I haven't done a stinking thing for the last two days and I feel pretty ok about it. I finished a great book that I had been reading, hoping it would help me with my work. It's hard to say if it will actually help. The colleges and universities that the author visited were a totally different demographic than the students we serve. However, I believe we have some of the very same issues on our campus. Anyway...not the point of the post. I did finishing reading that book and decided to pick up The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. It's been on my list of books to read for years now. I'll let you know what I think later.

Today I am at mom and dad's house doing laundry. They are out at their church's family retreat so I have their house to myself today. I'm watching free on demand movies, washing my clothes, and surfing blogs. It's great. This morning I watched WAY TOO many episodes of the Laguna Beach marathon on MTV. I get sucked in, I can't help myself!!!! Please promise to still be my friends. I tried to watch Hannah and Her Sisters but I got bored. I think Woody Allen makes strange movies.

Well, back to pointless movie and TV watching, perhaps I'll get lucky and there will be some reruns of What Not To Wear or The Gilmore Girls...

4 day weekend here I come!

One of the perks of working at the college is that full-time staff get a total of 6 weeks paid vacation each year. The new policy allows an additional week of paid time off if you sponsor a mission trip (so potentially 7 weeks). How cool is this?! I think it's pretty rad.

Three of our vacation days come in the summer in the form of Fun Fridays. For each of the summer months: May, June and July every full time staffer gets a paid Friday off! Thank you very much. I didn't take one for May yet so I have to take tomorrow off, on the eve of a 3-day Memorial Weekend. I'm totally ok with this!

I'm out...

I'm out so hard.

stupid cars and money

I am no good with cars. I think it's something I would like to put on my list of things I look for in a husband. :) I hate dealing with them. I just want to turn it on and drive. I don't want to think about how to deal with a car when it has problems.

Last month I was supposed to re-register my car (get new tags, some say tabs, which do you say?) like a good citizen. I had to go through DEQ, which I didn't pass.

"What do I do next?"I asked the nice DEQ man.

"Here is some information about what could be wrong", he explained "and a list of mechanics."

"OK, thanks."

This was the first time I've ever had a failing car. So, before I got myself all worked up, I call dad and tell him the news. He tells me to come over and he'll look at the car. He thinks that I probably need a tune up. So, I go to the DMV and purchase a trip permit ($20) so I don't get pulled over and get a ticket($100?). I take my car into a mechanic and he says it definately needs a tune-up ($250 for diagnostic and tune-up). My parents say to spend the money, it is worth it. So, I take it in, they do all the work. Yesterday I went back to DEQ with my newly tuned car and guess what? NO PASS!

"WHAT? I just spent $250 that I don't have on the stupid thing to get it to pass", I said, fighting back tears.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you", said the snotty DEQ lady, "It's still not passing." Another test that they run failed this time.

So, I call Tony, the mechanic back and said "I failed the NOX test this time."

"Bring it back in and we'll see what's going on", he says.

He ran tests yesterday afternoon again and he said it needs a new catalytic converter ($180). He said that he didn't test it before but with the new spark plugs, it was burning off more oil or something and now it's emitted more than it should. URGH! Can you sell enough plasma to pay for this? I can't afford to make monthly car payments so I know it makes sense to put the money into it but how do you know when it's time to let your car go and figure something else out?

***Update***Tony took my car through DEQ and it passed this time! YAY! It is stickered and ready to go for a while now.

Also, may I live here, please?

more effecient blogging

Thanks to Rebecca Marie's telling of this cool thing called FeedBlitz, I don't have to actually LOOK at every blog EVERY day to see who's posted something new. THANK YOU! I never knew until you mentioned it at home group on Tuesday night. This is going to make my life so much easier!!!! I now have time to look for random new blogs to add to my list! I am going to drown in blogs!!!! This is my new plan.

I've actually stumbled across an entire blogging community of college professors and staff that have very interesting insights into the world of higher learning. I'm totally addicted to what they have to say.

I always wondered why your blog asks to subscribe to you. Hmmm.

If this doesn't make you smile, you're dead inside.

Akeelah and the Bee

Go see it. It's all the cheese that a PG movie can offer but good stuff. As a self-professed geek, it was inspiring and made me want to go home and read the dictionary (sorry mom for ever making fun of you). Also, I love the quote that was used throughout the movie. I actually read the book that it came out of but I don't remember reading this:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are we to not be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~ Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

Chew on that for a minute. Are you afraid of the power that you hold as a child of God? Are you afraid of what you were made to be? I have thought about this all week. I find it to be true. If I truly embraced the power that I have as God's child, I would be capable of anything and there would be no fear of inadequacy. I know darkness, I am comfortable with my sin and I believe the lies that Satan tells me about myself. The choice to live in and embrace the reality that I am light and "powerful beyond measure" is frightening. I don't know how to do that. It is scary to give up what you know and live in a way that is different. That is powerful. That is the glory of God.

Jumbled Thoughts

Some thoughts that I have been mulling over (some by myself, some with other co-workers):

I work at a small college and we need everyone (faculty, staff and students) to be involved in order to pull things off. How do we motivate people to get on board? How do we get people to stop complaining and be a part of the change? How do we effectively equip the members of this community to see it for what it is...a community? How do we as a body of believers see past the messages of our culture, the culture of self-induglence and isolationism? How do you communicate to college students that have agreed to be a part of a Christian college that there are going to be expectations and "rules" that you have to live by in order to uphold the community and the title of Christian institution? How do you teach a transformed life and freedom in Christ to a community of hubris youth who want things to always go their way and can't see past their own desires? I think it's getting harder and harder to do all of these things as we become a more and more individualized society.

I love my job and I am passionate about the success of the college and the success of the students that join us here. I want our students to see that we believe in them and we want the best for them. I have been prayerful about the changes that I feel we need to make as an institution in order to empower them to live to their fullest potential. I want them to be what God created them to be. I can't imagine doing anything else with my life at this point. My greatest desire is for each and every student to come to know Christ in the most authentic way possible, a way that leaves no room for doubt of his power, love, grace and passion for them. I want our college community to be the breeding ground for learning and expressing love, grace and passion for Jesus and his people. I want them to thrive here so that they can go out into their communities when they leave here and be a positive influence for Christ, passionate for him and those who have yet to choose him and I want them to have a good time doing it! As I learn how to be in relationship with The Christ (that was for you, James) I'm finding it to be fun and adventurous! I never know what He is going to do with me, teach me, challenge me with and I never expect Him to love me as much as he does. I always find it surprising and maybe I shouldn't because He continues to be faithful to me even in the times when I am so unfaithful to him.

Please pray that we as a college share a vision of cultivating passionate Christians who are in a continual state of transformation, trying each day to look more and more like Christ.

No esta aqui!

I am taking tomorrow off because my little brother Timmy is taking the plunge and saying "I do" to Kori on Saturday. I will miss all of you dearly but I will see several of you at the wedding.

Also, totally biffed it on the sidewalk at work today and can barely type. I'll tell the whole story later, when my hands work again. I'm mostly hoping that the spot on my chin where some of me landed doesn't turn into a horrid bruise for pictures on Saturday!

Chinook Court

Chinook Court is a long standing tradition here at the college. It is an opportunity to honor God by honoring 5 ladies who have chosen to live out the call to be in relationship with God. These women are known for their Christian leadership and spiritual maturity. Last night was our coronation ceremony. These ladies are so special in their own individual ways. They each were given a different personality, life circumstances, their own kind of personal relationship with God and they each have their own way of living out their faith. They are definately individuals created in a special way by God. He designed each of us to be different and I think it's pretty neat. This activity each year reminds me that there isn't one specific way to be in relationship with God or that being a Christian means altering your personality. God designed us to be who we are and I think it would make him sad for us to try to fit into one specific mold. We all have special gifts and talents that can and should be used for the glory of God. I am so thankful that we are all different and that we don't have force ourselves into a cookie-cutter mold in order to be considered a Christian. I think we honor God when we honor our differences and individuality. I pray that you live in your skin, with the personality given to you by your Creator, with confidence knowing that He wants you to be you. He loves who he made you to be.

Be blessed.