They Break My Heart

My heart is heavy this evening. We had some "interactions" with some students today. Over the past few weeks I have just learned more and more what it means to "get God" and to have a relationship with Him and what it means to not. So many students that I work with (I would argue even staff and faculty members, too, but that is an entirely different issue...or maybe not. Maybe they are learning it from us) just don't understand the freedom of true relationship with Christ. I remember being there. I remember how lost I felt all of the time. I even remember feeling angry and confused about my purpose in life. The world was screaming at me to do things it's way but it felt wrong. I tried to find happiness in worldly things and even when I knew there had to be a better way to live out this Christianity that my parents taught me, I didn't feel right. There was much soul searching and painful, self-inflicting lessons, that brought me to my faithful Father who so graciously welcomed me into His arms. I still don't get so much. I still know that it could be even better than I am choosing. I understand that He is the source of all that is good in my life and I am the one who has to decide how close I am willing to get to Him. He is so right there waiting for me, always has been, always will be.

Thank you God for always being there. I pray that you reveal yourself in such powerful ways to these students who think they have it all figured out. Please cast out all doubt that they may have. Please show them the peace that is found in knowing you and being with you. Please help me to be patient with them when I forget that I used to be there. Please give me words of wisdom and mercy when I interact with them. I want to be a window for those who are seeking and never a stumbling block. Please help my humanness and selfishness to not get in the way of them seeing you in me. I want them to see your love for me and for them. Thank you for holding me to your standards and not my own. Yours are so much better (and often harder). I may not always like them but I am always better for choosing to walk in Truth. God, I ask that you give me glimpses of hope when there will be no more battles with Satan, when I am Home with you and I will no longer struggle to make the right choices. May you be blessed when I do make the right choices!!! May I always give you glory for my successes, for they are not mine.

Peace be with you.

Tap-Tap

Here is another story from Venezuela. On Tuesday of the trip we were supposed to take a "jungle excursion". I put quotes around jungle excursion because that is not at all what we did! We went into the Andes Mountains (I would argue the foothills surrounding), and they didn't have any Andes Mints, I was sad about that. Anywho...we all piled into the bus and took a good hour and a half drive into the mountains. It was HOT and sticky. How the bus made it into the mountains I will never know. There were a couple of times when we thought for sure that we would have to get out and push the bus up the mountain roads. The scenery was gorgeous once we left town and got up into the mountains. GORGEOUS! We get to this outdoor "strip" that has 5 or 6 "huts" that are all connected (I don't really know how to describe them). We drove passed it and stopped at the end of the road. Everyone got out and we went over and looked at the horses. Well, you can pay to ride the horses. So, that is exactly what the students did. For $1 (I think), you can ride a horse around the track that they have set up. I think that I very well may have been the only one not to ride (why would I do that to some poor horse!). It was so much fun to watch everyone riding on the horses. You could tell who had been on a horse before and who hadn't. There were lots of funny visuals but the funniest of all is where the title of this post comes from. Lisa is one of our students and she is hysterical. She is a happy girl who loves everyone! Some of you know who I'm talking about, others have no idea and I don't know how to describe her to you. So, Lisa gets on a horse and takes off. The track goes around a kind of hill (a small hill but you can't see the backside of the track because of it). We got busy watching other people come and go. About 5 minutes later I realize that Lisa hasn't come around the track yet, which is a long time. "Where is Lisa?" about that time, you see her rounding the back turn. Her horse is the slowest thing ever!!!! Seriously, like pokey, I think my 96 year old great grandmother would have rounded the track quicker, if she was still alive. Lisa is just as content as can be. She gets closer and we see her with the whip gently tapping it. The only way that I can describe it is it looked like she was tickling the horse with the whip. When she got closer, you could also see that she was talking to the horse, like having a conversation with it. It really was the funniest thing that I have ever seen. Now, the running joke with the girls who witnessed it with me and Lisa, when we see each other, we give each other a little "tap-tap" like Lisa did with the horse.

There are pictures floating around. As soon as I get my hands on one, I will gladly post it! It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen! This experience would be one for the "Why I love my job" category.

P.S. At first, Lisa thought we were making fun of her. It was funny because it was her. It would have been funny if it had been anyone!!!! I wish you all could have been there to see it. You also may be wondering what took her so long to get around the track. She said that her horse stopped for lunch along the backside. He wanted to graze before finishing the trip. Poor horse was hungry.

Not for the faint of heart

I was at an Arbonne meeting last night and I learned about something that I had never heard of before. I was actually horrified and promptly decided that I was never going to eat again...seriously, if you get ill easily, do not read the article linked to this.

I really couldn't believe that the government is ok with allowing these sorts of things to happen. Where is the FDA and the EPA in this? As much as I am thankful for learning things, sometimes I truly believe that ignorance is bliss.

http://www.judyshealthcafe.com/articles/rendering.html

what if...

you could just spend your day in relationship with people, never having to worry about making money and doing stuff? I feel like my best work is in relationship with people. I just got done chatting on IM with a friend who met someone for lunch. The gal she met with is searching. She wants to understand her place, why she is here. She was raised Christian but she was never taught to look at God or the Word for herself and find her very own personal place with God. So, now, she is desperately trying to figure out where she fits. She is currently evaluating Buddhism. Basically my point is, we had to stop talking because we both have jobs to do (now I realize that I am actually now typing on my blog but I had to say something). I know that ministry can get draining emotionally and it is difficult. But really, I just wanted to keep talking to my dear friend about the stuff that matters in eternal perspective.

Off to write letters of denial for students who want to live off campus next year but don't qualify. All these students will know of me is that I didn't give them what they wanted and so I will always be a jerk to them. I promise that there are days that I love my job...I love my job on the days that I get to have really hard conversations with students who are struggling in their own faith, wondering, questioning and searching for their own place with their Creator, pushing me to explain my own reasons for why I believe. Those are the days I love my job.

Why do you worship?

My boss, the Dean of Students, is teaching Personal Spiritual Development at Cascade this semester. I went and sat in on his class today. He was talking with them about worship. He threw out the question "Why do you worship?". The class was sitting in silence. It wasn't silence out of reverence for God or thinking about really good times of worship. He then through out the statement "I think you're silent right now because you don't have any idea why you worship". I think I have to agree with him. I think that I am starting to develop a list of reasons why I worship but I haven't always been in that place...you can't answer with "because"...

Why do you worship?

Basically, she makes me happy!

I just had to share this little piece of heaven with everybody! How could that not make you smile? It makes me giggle every time I look at it. I think she's up to something.

Mecada anyone?

One of the first nights we were out for dinner (which we averaged eating at about 10pm every night for dinner). We had gone to a strip of "keyosks" at the edge of town. There were probably 9 or 10 different places to choose from. Each place was set up with plastic patio chairs and tables. There were several of the church members who were either out with us or came and met us for dinner (and to pick up the students who were staying with them). I was with a couple of the girls, Anna and Shannon. They were low on funds this night so I was going to buy their dinner. We saw the preacher, Leo, and his family eating. His kids were eating what looked kind of like a gyro. They looked good so we decided to go for it. They were called Shawermas. The girls ordered pollo (chicken) because its safe and you know what it is. I felt more adventurous and so I asked what his youngest son was eating. It kind of looked like shredded beef. "Mecada", Leo said. So, being the brave one, I ordered it. I was munching away on my dinner and Anna decided she wanted to know what it was. Jose, one of the guys from Barquisimeto, was sitting at the table with us, eating his cheeseburger and fries, answered Anna's question with a "BAH" sound. "Lamb?" Anna asked. He shook his head no and promptly added horns to the top of his head and quickly changed the sound to me much more reminiscent of a goat sound. We all broke out into laughter...I was eating goat meat!!!! Anna turned to me and said "are you ok with it" to which I replied "How would you feel if you just found out you were eating goat?". She replied with laughter and then took a bite. Both of the girls tried it. It really tasted fine. It was a bit tougher than beef. We took a picture with our Shawermas and Goat horns. Hopefully, I will have a good picture soon to add to the site! So, one of Rebecca's great stories from Venezuela is my consumption of goat. First Spanish lesson for all of you...MECADA=GOAT.

One Thing I Learned In Venezuela

One of the biggest things I will take away from my time spent in Venezuela is the passion that the Christians have for the Lord and for those who aren't in relationship with Him. You see, about 99% of the population there believe in God, they just don't know how to worship Him. The Christians there say that their job is to teach people how to bring Christ into the daily workings of their lives. These people are on FIRE for God!!!

So, basically, these were the happiest people that I have ever met. They LOVE each other so much because Christ loves them. I was blown away by the love that they have for each other and so freely share. They aren't ashamed to say that they love each other, embrace and they have the greet one another with a holy kiss thing down! I have never had so many kisses on the cheek in my life. All from strangers!!!! The difference is that they don't see me as a stranger. I am a sister-in-Christ. It was amazing.

The lesson that I took away came in the way that I treat those around me on a daily basis and the way that I look at my God. If I truly believe in Christ and His words, I am called to love those around me more than I love myself. I think this is where their happiness comes from. They are SO selfless and generous. These people who have nothing have EVERYTHING! They have Christ who promises to meet every need that they have and they have their brothers and sisters, where they get support and encouragement. Like one of the students so eloquently stated, WE ARE THE ONES WHO ARE POOR BECAUSE WE DON'T GET IT. We look to things of the world to make us happy and we are not happy as a whole. They have truly put their hope in God. May I truly find my hope and my peace in Him who promises me these things.

Parasite?

So, since returning to the States, I have had an incredibly difficult time staying out of the bathroom! I don't know what is happening. I'm convinced that I have a parasite. I feel some comfort in having talked to others who were on the trip and are having the same problem, but there is a problem nonetheless. I am just hoping that I don't get up from the toilet one of these days to find something similar to Rebecca Marie's last post. I have heard some horror stories from people who have traveled outside of the country and come home to some serious problems with new friends growing inside of them. Anywho, please pray for all of us who were on the trip and are having a difficult time right now. There are many upset stomachs! It is quite inconvenient! :)

I'm Home

So, I made it back to the US. For this I am thankful! There are far too many stories and thoughts to put down here but I will gladly share as I can. The best way to sum up this experience is " I will never be the same again...". The people of Venezuela love each other and they shared that love with each of us. They truly understand what it means to love your brothers and sisters. I was told that I was loved by people I had never met before simply because we share Christ. These were the happiest people that I have ever met. They have a real hope in the God of all promises that he will provide for them and that his promises are true. They are a people who have the joy of the Lord! I was so blessed to be in Venezuela this week. They have challenged me to experience true joy in the Lord and to share that joy with everyone that I meet. More stories to come! Lots of work to catch up on. Adios amigos!

It's Almost Time!!!!

In approximately 10 hours, I will be gathering with the rest of my team in the Johnson Center at Cascade to pray, double check baggage, maybe catch a couple of z's before we head to the airport at 3am. I have some serious butterflies in my tummy and fear that I may actually make a mess in my pants. Help me God to be calm and trust in you! I am just filled with so many feelings. Feelings of anxiety, excitment and anticipation, a little bit (ok a lot a bit) of the fear of the unknown. In the end I know that this trip is only going to change all of us for the better. I am really excited to see what God is going to teach us through this.

In chapel today, Shane had us reflect on Psalm 139 while listening to the Shawn McDonald song, Beautiful (go to Amazon and listen to a sample):
As I look into the stars
Pondering how far away they are
How You hold them in Your hands
And still You know this man
You know my inner most being, oh
Even better than I know, than I know myself
What a beautiful God
What a beautiful God
And what am I, that I might be called Your child
What am I, what am I
That You might know me, my King
What am I, what am I, what am I
As I look off into the distance
Watching the sun roll on by
Beautiful colors all around me, oh
Painted all over the sky
The same hands that created all of this
They created you and I
What a beautiful God
What a beautiful God
And what am I, that I might be called Your child
What am I, what am I
That You might know me, my King
What am I, what am I
That You might die, that I might live
What am I, what am I, what am I, what am I
What am I
What am I
What am I
What am I
What am I

It is so amazing to think about this big and powerful God who created everything longs for nothing more than for each of us to be in relationship with Him, loving Him and loving others. It is that simple. There isn't anything else to figure out. I am so excited to see how another culture worships the very same God! How can you not be changed forever?! Please lift us up in prayer as we begin this adventure. May we all continue to seek our Creator and come into a richer and more real understanding of Him daily! I love you all!

Question...

When was it that EVERYONE became the exception to EVERY rule? Was there a memo sent out to the rest of the world that I just didn't get? I'm having a frustrating day at the office dealing with college students (some even in their 40's). You kind of expect it from 18 yr olds but 40? Come on...welcome to life people where there are rules and consequences for not following said rules! I LOVE my job but there are days like today when I want to throw in the towel in frustration. I can tell it's time for a break. We gather for departure to Venezuela in 34 1/2 hours!

Attention Everyone: Prayer Answered!

Praise the God of Hosts! My passport came this morning via FedEx just as I was leaving to come to work! The original is still missing, but at least I can go on my trip! Everyone who is going on the trip met last night. We were able to pray in our groups and just be together. It seems as if everything is coming together. The primary prayer concern of the students was feeling a bit of anxiety about not knowing what to expect. We are taking a leap of faith and trusting that God has brought us this far and He will see us all the way through. A large majority of these students have not done anything like this before (as I have not). Our prayer last night was that God would bless us and teach us so much while blessing the people that we encounter. We want to be servants first and foremost and what we get back be icing on the cake! We want to do God's agenda, not ours. Man, it is right around the corner and I am getting so excited!!!! I'm sure that I will update soon.

Where is my passport?

So, I called to check on my passport because I haven't received it yet and well, we are leaving in 10 days. They tell me that it was completed on the first of February and should have it by now. OH GOOD! So, I had to send a statement and copy of my drivers license to them so that they can reissue my passport in time to go on the trip. GREAT! In the meantime, there is a good chance that my birth certificate is just floating around somewhere out in the great Postal Service void. Please pray that one, I get my passport in time to go on the trip and two, that no one has intercepted said birth certificate and passport. I guess someone could try to assume my identity. They would be sadly disappointed when they couldn't buy loads of junk because my credit is OUTSTANDING and my bank account, even better than the credit! So, I guess, shop away sad identity theives! You picked the wrong girl. MUHHAAAAA!

Hurts So Good

I have had some serious AH-Ha moments this week. God is teaching me that I need Him. He is teaching me that I am selfish and most often have the wrong motives when asking for things from him. I was reading in James this morning and I "stumbled" across 4:3, which says "And even when you do ask, you don't get it because your whole motive is wrong--you want only what will give you pleasure". Um, ouch. I know, I know, pleasure isn't wrong, but when I ask for things that aren't bad, but the reasons that I want them are selfish, I am not truly looking to do what God would have me do. I'm making everything about me when it needs to be all about Him. Um, ouch again. I have to say that it is frightening and horrifying to ask God to show you what you are doing wrong, where I am misguided. He has shown me some very serious issues that have kept me far from Him, unable to truly commune with Him because of feelings I have been having (without even realizing it). He really does show it to you and it is painful yet so good. I have spent more time this week crying out to Him than I have in the last couple of years. These things that He is revealing in me make me run to Him all the more because I can't fix them by myself. He is so faithful, so good to comfort me during this time of struggle. How amazing is the God of all the Universe that He will make Himself known in our weakest moments! In the times when I feel the farthest from Him, His most unfaithful child, He comes in and holds me and whispers in my ear how much He loves me. I am speechless.

P.S. 10 days until I go to Venezuela. Please pray!

Xanga Blocked at Cascade!

Apparently there are questionable things on Xanga making the boys at the 'Cade struggle, so they asked Jimmy to block it! URGH! I mean I understand that we should help with struggles and all, but come on! Before you know it, everything on the internet will have to be blocked because people cuss or have things that bother someone. So, I will begin posting on here until this site gets blocked. :)

This weekend was fantastic! Mostly because I got to see Bebo Norman live (he came to the All-School Retreat). He's just the cutest thing. He brought a couple of guys from his band and they played a very laid back hour of music. Basically it was awesome (all for you Becky). Overall, I had a very mellow weekend, which was fine by me. I thought that I was going to have a lot of things to do but most of them didn't work out.

I am getting really nervous/excited about my trip to Venezuela. We leave in 11 days! WOW!!! 11 days isn't very far away. I still feel uncertain about what we are doing and how everything is going to happen.

Later...

My Other Blog

I created this blog so that I could post comments to blogs on this site. I have another blog already established...who knows...maybe I will end up liking this one better. You can visit my blog at http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=reebes76. See you around!