No esta aqui!

I am taking tomorrow off because my little brother Timmy is taking the plunge and saying "I do" to Kori on Saturday. I will miss all of you dearly but I will see several of you at the wedding.

Also, totally biffed it on the sidewalk at work today and can barely type. I'll tell the whole story later, when my hands work again. I'm mostly hoping that the spot on my chin where some of me landed doesn't turn into a horrid bruise for pictures on Saturday!

Chinook Court

Chinook Court is a long standing tradition here at the college. It is an opportunity to honor God by honoring 5 ladies who have chosen to live out the call to be in relationship with God. These women are known for their Christian leadership and spiritual maturity. Last night was our coronation ceremony. These ladies are so special in their own individual ways. They each were given a different personality, life circumstances, their own kind of personal relationship with God and they each have their own way of living out their faith. They are definately individuals created in a special way by God. He designed each of us to be different and I think it's pretty neat. This activity each year reminds me that there isn't one specific way to be in relationship with God or that being a Christian means altering your personality. God designed us to be who we are and I think it would make him sad for us to try to fit into one specific mold. We all have special gifts and talents that can and should be used for the glory of God. I am so thankful that we are all different and that we don't have force ourselves into a cookie-cutter mold in order to be considered a Christian. I think we honor God when we honor our differences and individuality. I pray that you live in your skin, with the personality given to you by your Creator, with confidence knowing that He wants you to be you. He loves who he made you to be.

Be blessed.

Why Me, God?

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.
-Philippians 3:7-8

There has been an idea floating around in my life in the last few days that I have been thinking about and I don't know that I actually have any answers or anything of worth to offer but I feel like perhaps if I talk about it, I will feel better or maybe someone has some insight to give. I've been reading Stacey Rich's blog for probably about a year now (check it out in the sidebar). I don't know her but I feel like I do (amazing how the internet thing works, huh?). She is reading a book right now called No Perfect People Allowed (brother Big Mike also recommends it). In reading this book, she has posted some questions, thoughts, what-have-you on some fairly heavy God/Christianity/Jesus stuff. One of the questions she brought up was "What about other religions? What about people who have never heard about Jesus? Yeah, I got lucky and was raised in a home where I was taught about Jesus -- but what if I'd grown up in Saudi Arabia or something? What then?". The same conversation came up with a couple of students yesterday at work. I guess it's been on people's minds lately. So, yeah, what then? Why was I born here and not somewhere else? How is it fair that not everyone has the opportunity to know about Christ if he really is the one and only way to God? I guess the only answer for me at this point is: I don't know. I don't know why this is the way the dice fell (I'm guessing it isn't a matter of dice falling to God but it is to me) for me.

This answer raises these next questions for me: What am I going to do about it? What am I going to do with the information I have about Christ? Am I going to make my goal in life creating a comfortable existence in suburbia or take risks and be bold and make sure that other people are afforded the opportunity to know Christ? A gentleman responded on her post today about religiousity and how we have harmed people with our arrogance, intolerance, etc. I think it can apply to these ideas as well. Here is what he said: The "Truth in Love (Grace)" angle would say, "First of all, I don't have all the answers, and I am a flawed human being in need of a Road of Truth…in need of grace and salvation. Through my life, in everything I've tried to fill with the Truth-shaped hole, I keep finding that Jesus is the only Road that is undeniably the all-encompassing, FULL-FILLING way or truth that fits perfectly in that hole....and here's part of my life story to explain why."

As I learn more and more about Christ, I am acutely aware of how my life is no longer my own when I choose him. I have to be changed or the cross was all in vein. My life has to be about Christ and making him my treasure, above all things on this earth. Above relationships for my own pleasure, above financial comfort, above personal praise and recognition, above what my desires are for my life. I must be bold and passionate about Christ. This is what it means to live. This is what each of us was created for. Knowing all of this, there are character traits that I need to change. I need to be more loving towards people I don't want to love, I need to forgive those who have hurt me, I need to tear down the wall that protects me from vulnerability (which doesn't really protect me anyway) and the fear that my vulnerabilities will be used against me. I need to stay in the word so that my zeal will not grow old.

The more time I spend in the word, the more I crave it and oh, how I don't want to lose that! I need it. My life has never felt more complete than when I am with him.

I need to get home, so, I will hopefully have more to share later. Oh, the post that I did about feeling aimless in life, all of these thoughts have helped me to not feel so aimless. Now, I just need to get off my butt and make the necessary changes. My life is good. I have Christ. I don't need anything else. My purpose is to make much of Christ. I have to allow him to change me. I think it's working. I'm a work in progress. I will probably be on here next week however with a "woah is me story". Isn't life funny? At least I know this much about who I am. I am flawed and messed up but He saw something worth dying for.

Be blessed.

A Dose Of Reality

Today I realized how ridiculous I have been about something going on in my life. I got myself a little crushy-poo on someone. He is a great guy but there is nothing about it that makes any amount of sense. He is too young, so not going to happen. My wonderful friends who encourage me to dream the impossible dream say things like: "Why wouldn't he love you, Rebecca? You're a great girl and he is not your average young person" While all of this is true, I think I've needed someone to say something more like this: "Really, Rebecca?" All of you who know me, know the tone in which that should be said.

I'm a little embarrassed at my ridiculous imagination sometimes. This whole thing makes me feel totally foolish. I try really hard to keep myself grounded in reality but he is REALLY neat. I mean, if all of you knew him, you would totally know why I wish it were a possibility. He's fabulous. He is one of the nicest and most genuine people I have ever met. He loves Jesus. However, when I stop and think about it, it's so absurd. We are in totally different places in life. I guess ultimately, I want to find my husband and when I meet a young man who is phenomenal, I can't help but think...where is my phenomenal man? The one who fits. I want that companion. I want that person who totally makes me feel comfortable in my skin. I want to know that person who knows every nook and cranny of my screwed up head and says that he loves me still, loves me more, even. I guess sometimes it's easier to dream and live in a fantasy world than to face your current reality. I feel like my current reality is loneliness and no matter how many people are around me, I very rarely feel connected to someone. So, I guess, I'm just always hoping for companionship and for people to know me and love me. Isn't that what we all want?

I am continually prayerful that God is blessing me with the exact thing I need right now. I have to trust him. It's hard for me to do so but the more I get to know God I know that He is not interested in making me uncomfortable or doesn't want to keep from me the very things I desire. Sometimes though, we don't always get what we want and most often that is a good thing.

THE SUN IS OUT!!!

It is 4:43 on Friday afternoon. I don't have a window in my office and it is sunny outside. How is this fair? I don't want to do anything and have spent most of the afternoon doing absolutely nothing. I've talked to a few students, answered some emails, and had a very important meeting with some of my colleauges (not really but we did have some good laughs). I am looking forward to this weekend.

I am really into the book I'm reading right now (Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper). Secretly, I want to cancel my plans for the evening and go home and read my book, but I won't because I need to be around people sometimes. I'm all about supporting my students tonight. Our resident assistants are doing a dinner/fundraiser for student activities so I am going to that and then our students are doing a play this weekend, so I'm bringing my friend Afa with me and we are going to see my lovely students perform this evening. THEN, I will go home and read my good book. It is challenging me to think about everything I do and why I do it. The author suggests that everything I do, EVERYTHING be about magnifying and exalting Christ. I've been feeling the sentiment that every aspect of my life should be honoring to God lately and so this is just encouraging and stregthening this thought. He suggests that if I am not honoring Christ and his cross then I am wasting my life. We were made to magnify God and if we aren't about that, we will always feel empty. Hmmm. There were so many gems last night. I can't wait to get back to it and get some more!!!!

Pardon Our Dust

I got bored and want to change the look of my blog, so, please bear with me while I make some changes.

I wanted to be a superstar!

I've been thinking a lot in the last year about what my life is and what I had hoped it would be. As a young girl, I had all of these aspirations of being famous, traveling around the world singing to the masses and wearing beautiful clothes and having people take care of my every need or whim. I thought my life would consist of multiple episodes of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. The world would be jealous of me and want my life. Of course, I would also have a gorgeous husband and maybe a couple of cute kiddos running around my feet. I wanted to be a star! I wanted everyone to love me and think I was the greatest thing that ever happened. Watch out Whitney Houston (great role model, right?). My hopes for what I would be were great. They were all pretty selfish too. I could hang out in my room for hours dreaming about what my life was going to be and how fabulous it would be.

I am realizing at 29 that my life is nothing I'd hoped for it to be. I have great friends and family, I have a pretty great job, I have a great church family but I feel as if my need for more is never quenchable. I never feel satisfied. I need more for my life. I feel like I am missing something huge from those dreams as a little girl and it's not about the money. I know that money will not make me happy. It isn't about the fame, I know that it won't satisfy. This is about knowing that God created me for great things and I am not living up to that potential. I feel like I am wasting the life I am supposed to be living. I feel like I am not making a difference in the world. I keep thinking about Meg Ryan's character in You've Got Mail and the struggle she has about what she does for a living running the children's bookstore her mother started. As her livelihood and the thing that matters most to her is threatened with closure by the big bad chain store, she wonders whether or not her life means anything anyway and whether or not it's worth fighting for. She wants so badly for her life to mean something and I guess right now I'm feeling the same way. I want to live my life and when I come to the end of it have people say that I was brave, that I did things that mattered and I wasn't afraid. I am afraid of so many things. I am afraid of failing, I fear that my life is pointless and that I haven't been kind enough or loving enough. I feel selfish and think only about myself. This isn't the life God created for me to live. I'll talk more later.

Have a good night. Talk to you soon.

Random Conversations

Yesterday at work I had a student stop by my office. Now, this happens quite often with the work I do. It is the best part of the job. The reason I felt this was worth posting was because the student that stopped by was one of the least likely to stop in for a chat. You have the handful of consistent stop-in students who want to catch up about life, ask questions about college policy or tell me about the date they had on Friday night. There are even the students who stop in sporadically to "confess their sins" and ask me to pray for them or hold them accountable because they want to change these parts of their life. There are also students here with some animosity towards the office I work in because we have to do the disciplining of students who violate the rules (this is the least fun part of the job). This student is one of those "we know you're doing stuff that isn't the best but we can't prove anything" kinds of student. He usually avoids us and doesn't do much socializing with any of the faculty or staff. I was just struck by the fact that he came in for a chat. He was in my office for a short amount of time (5 minutes maybe) and we didn't talk about anything particularly deep but I keep trying to figure out why he stopped in. Is he really lonely being here on campus and was desperate for human contact? Does he feel guilty about something he did and wants to see if we've heard anything about it (we have students who get struck with paranoia at times)? I have been working here for three years and I have never had a real conversation with him. I was confused but excited about the exchange. I don't know why it happened or if it even means anything but I can't stop thinking about it. I could very well be trying to analyze it way too much.

What random conversation have you had that made you think, think about why that conversation happened or made you think about the way you thought about something or someone, made you change a behavior or even change the way you felt about your faith, about God, about humanity? I'm curious to know if anyone else has felt this way.

I miss it

I miss blogging. There...I said it. I miss the days of being able to surf everyone's blogs and see what is going on in the lives of people I know (or don't know, for that matter). I feel totally out of the loop and completely uninspired on most days, with nothing to say about the world or what is going on in all of my blogger friends lives. I don't know what happened, where I suddenly had so much work to do in a day that I couldn't see what was happening in people's lives. Now, I just feel like a peeping blogger, a voyeur of sorts.

I don't know when this will change but I miss being plugged in to the blog world. I feel like I've lost all of my sense of humor and any type of insight I might have used to had. Now, I feel like a regular old person who can only have conversations in real life. What is happening to me?

Ok, now that I have said my peace, I am going back to work and doing things that regular people do. Boring.

Oh, and Merry Christmas.

Life Update

Ok, so my entire family has now moved into the area. Mike and Janna are in Beaverton and my parents moved to Portland. Tim is the furthest from us and he is only in Salem. What is happening? I feel like I've entered into a weird vortex that now includes all of my siblings and my parents. I am excited because I love Portland and I'm glad that I was able to hold out long enough to get all of them here rather than me having to move where they are. This makes things like Christmas so much easier. And, I can do free laundry and mom and dad's house (always good). I went over last night and mom made me dinner.

This story would have been a lot different if I had posted while they were camped out in my living room last week. They put all of their belongings into a storage unit and brought over the air mattress and slept on the floor while they looked for a place to live. Now, you all have to realize that my apartment is probably somewhere between 550-600 square feet (if I'm not being overly generous with my estimation). Needless to say, the quarters were cramped. Praise be to God that they found a place rather quickly and I am back to having my own place. I did however get a wake up call the other morning. My doorbell rang at approximately 7:20am (I can't say for sure as I was still in bed). "Who would be ringing the doorbell at this time?" This was the question I was asking myself as I rolled out of my bed. I peeked out the peephole and saw that my mother was on the other side. "This isn't happening" was my thought as I unlocked my door. It was. She decided to bring me a latte to start my day because she was out taking my dad to the airport. Which, is so nice and I was so thankful once I woke up but I was so confused and disoriented at the time that I'm sure I said nasty things in a nasty tone to my mom.

It's ok. God is now punishing me with a furnace that won't work. I think I have freezer burn on my fingers and toes from sleeping in an icebox last night. I came home from work last night to a really cold apartment. I had this problem several weeks ago and then it just started working again. I told my landlord about it but I have a feeling once I told him that it was working again he didn't bother to take a look at it. So, I thought it was just being finicky. I went over to mom's for dinner and to help her unpack some boxes. I came home and it still wouldn't work. So, I slept in sweats (I hate sleeping with pants on. They get all bunched at the knees), had my feather bed under me, flannel sheets, a down comforter, a flannel comforter and a quilt. When I got up this morning, it was less than 50 degree in my apartment! I didn't want to get out of my bed, but it sure made for a quick "get ready" this morning. I was out the door as fast as possible.

This is my life right now. Things are good, but cold. :) Our students seem like they are in the process of meltdown. It is time for them to have a break and us to have a break from them. You could pray for them. This is a crazy time for them. They're tired and overwhelmed and starting to see the consequences of their choices (both good and bad). We are suspending quite a few right now for various things. This is a tough time of year for our office. We do get rewarded with a week and a half off from work. SOLD! :)

Take care.

Nothing Fancy Today

God amazes me. I just need to say that today. That's all. There is no motive, no story to go with it. Nothing fancy happened.

I pray that you all are blessed today and that you clearly see how powerfully God is working in your life. Have a fantastic weekend!

Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott

I just finished reading Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. I was stretched to consider other ways of interpreting faith and my belief in God. Her ideas are rather edgy in comparison to most of my thoughts and I would argue for most people. I have always thought my interpretation of faith and belief in God were a little more "liberal" than most Christians I have come across and then I read this book...

At what point do you have to read God's Word and draw a line at what is "acceptable" Kingdom behavior? At what point do you have to change things that you are doing in your life because they are just flat out do not line up with God's teaching? Isn't part of being transformed and dying to self changing the things about us that are not holy? I am supposed to die to self and allow Christ to live in me. My lifestyle must reflect my death and His life. I did appreciate her honesty and reality about life. She made herself quite veulnerable to my criticism and the criticism of many other self-righteous folk. I definately have my act together like no one else. :)

I don't want anyone to confuse my thoughts with having it all figured out or being better or more holy but I AM convicted that my life should be a sacrifice, it should be giving up the things of this world, things that my flesh desire, that my sinful self would prefer in order to honor Christ. I don't honor him with my justifications or lack of submission. I have to honor God with ALL of my life, with everything that I have, all that I am. This means giving up the things that I want. Does this mean I won't struggle as I make these changes? Surely not but does that mean I don't keep trying? There were times when I was reading that I wasn't so sure there was an understanding of changing the things in our lives that don't bring honor to Christ. Maybe it was my interpretation of what I was reading. Perhaps I am totally mistaken.

Overall, good book. I was challenged to evaluate many parts of my heart and my motivations. I was definately presented with different ideas and was pushed out of my comfort zone at times. I'm always up for reading differing thoughts and perspectives. And for all of you who worry about me and my more liberal political ideas, I've got nothing on this girl! You might as well put me on the same right wing as Rush Limbaugh or President Bush (but please don't).

Thanks for letting me ramble on. I'm still processing.

All You Need Is Love

As Christ has loved me, so I am to love others. This weekend I watched an MTV documentary called True Life: I'm Dead Broke. I watched as three young people struggled to survive. I watched them pump water so they could cook, brush their teeth, try to save enough money to buy a $500 car, figure out how to get into an $800/month apartment (in the ghetto) when they only have $500 to their name. My heart was broken. I can't get the images out of my head and my heart. I don't know what to do about it. I guess there really isn't much I can do for those three young adults. I know that there are people just like them right here in Portland. What do I do to help them? I can't fix the world by myself but I should be doing something to help those around me in need. I have abundance. I am rich. I am so blessed.

God is my strength and my provider. I don't want for anything. I am a spoiled brat. I live beyond my means. I am selfish. I am irresponsible. Christ's love for me covers my irresponsibility, my spoiled nature, my sinful nature. Christ's love fills me and I need nothing else. I am amazed by his faithfulness to me. I have been working hard at developing a relationship with Him. It is amazing to me how quickly He fills us and draws near to us when we seek Him. He is faithful to love the unloveable. He loves me. There are so many times when I feel pretty unloveable. There are so many times that I feel completely misunderstood but Christ understands me. He knows all of my unloveableness and all of my ugliness and He still wants to be with me. He adores me. He wants me to want him. All he wants from me is for me to love him as much as he loves me. Isn't that what we all want? All we need is love...

HOW DEEP THE FATHER'S LOVE FOR US
HOW VAST BEYOND ALL MEASURE
THAT HE SHOULD GIVE HIS ONLY SON
TO MAKE A WRETCH HIS TREASURE
HOW GREAT THE PAIN OF SEARING LOSS
THE FATHER TURNS HIS FACE AWAY
AS WOUNDS WHICH MAR THE CHOSEN ONE
BRING ANY SONS TO GLORY
BEHOLD THE MAN UPON A CROSS
MY SIN UPON HIS SHOULDERS
ASHAMED I HERE MY MOCKING VOICE
CALL OUT AMONG THE SCOFFERS
IT WAS MY SIN THAT HELD HIM THERE
UNTIL IT WAS ACCOMPLISHED
HIS DYING BREATH HAS BROUGHT ME LIFE
I KNOW THAT IT IS FINISHED
I WILL NOT BOAST IN ANYTHING
NO GIFTS, NO POWER, NO WISDOM
BUT I WILL BOAST IN JESUS CHRIST
HIS DEATH AND RESURRECTION
WHY SHOULD I GAIN FROM HIS REWARD
I CANNOT GIVE AN ANSWER
BUT THIS I KNOW WITH ALL MY HEART
HIS WOUNDS HAVE PAID MY RANSOM

Trust God?

How do you have a relationship with the Creator of the Universe? How can He be small enough to really care what my favorite color is when He created all of the colors? How do you wrap your head and heart around the reality that He really does want to know everything about you? The part that is so weird about this relationship is that He already knows everything about you. I think this is what makes it so bizarre.

Mike's blog reminded me that I needed to post what has been going on with me spiritually in the last few weeks. My current struggle is not doubting that God is. I believe with every ounce of my being that God is alive and at work actively in my life and yours. I believe that my soul would be empty without Him and my life unfulfilled without him. I know that I need Him in my life and I would die without Him. BUT...(there's always a but)how in the world do you have a relationship with Him? I don't know how to do it. With that lack of understanding, it has made my having a relationship with Him difficult. I don't know how to do it. All I have to compare it to is a human relationship and it just isn't the same. How can I trust that He is faithful to His promises to prosper me and not to harm me when I don't know how to talk to him? How can I trust Him when most people let me down or I let them down? I can't wrap my head around all of it. I know that if I am not making choices every day, EVERY DAY, to invest in a relationship with Him, I will never get there. I want my cake and to be able to eat it too. I want it to be easy but is any relationship worth having easy? I know my life can be more than it is but it's all up to me. It is my lack of work that has gotten me here and made me frustrated. It is my unfaithfulness. How can I truly feel comfortable giving up control of my life to the God I don't feel like I know and trust? So, each day, I am letting God of the hook and taking responsibility for where I am. I am working to understand how to have a relationship, an open and honest relationship with God. I think He wants me to say that this is where I am. I think He wants me to be honest with Him and with myself. As I invest in this relationship, I pray that it will be easier to give more and more control over to God. I want Him to rule over my life, I want to trust Him with everything. It is hard to give over control and trust to an acquaintance. I wouldn't do it with a person and I can't do it with God, but I will. I will get there. I will let go, I will trust Him. I will know Him in a very real and intimate way. I will trust Him with every aspect of my life and every nook and cranny of my heart, my innermost secrets, my hurts, my desires, my joys, victories. It will happen...

I am alive

There has been much going on but none of it very exciting. Paula got married this weekend (that was exciting). It was great to see people that live here in town but I never see because we are all really busy. I have been doing a lot of work and things are starting to feel like they're slowing down. My life is really boring right now. I work and I try to go home and rest. :) I was in bed at 9:15 last night. Why am I so lame? It felt good to sleep that long though, so I can't complain. I was happy to do it.

I did get to see my friend Mamie who is like 6 months pregnant. She is just about the cutest little pregnant thing ever. I have lots of cute pregnant friends actually but she is so stinkin' cute! Amy, her husband Justin and her brother Andrew had to evacuate Houston and so her parents flew them up here. So I'm not sure whether or not I should be thanking God or what but it worked out for me to get to see Amy. I went over to her parents house on Sunday after church and hung out until about 8:30 that night (I got home late). The thing that is so great about her family is that I love all of them. Her brother Aaron and his wife Amy were up for Paula's wedding, Amy's cousin Brooke and her family, aunt Paula and all of the kiddos were there. I feel very comfortable with all of them. Amy and I snuck off for a couple of hours and had a long awaited, much anticipated Starbucks date. We haven't done that in a couple of years. When she was still here in town, we used to do it all of the time. We can sit and talk for hours about really dumb stuff or really great, deep and meaningful stuff. I love that we can just pick up where we left off like we just saw each other last week. We talked about God and about family and her upcoming baby. We talked about marriage and their new house that they bought. It is so funny how we age! I have to admit that we were talking about these things when we were 21 also but it really wasn't a reality then. We wanted to get married and live in the same cul-de-sac and raise our babies together. The odds of that actually happening are slim but it is fun to talk about all of the things happening in our lives. I love talking with her about the things that God is doing in my life and to hear how he is working in her life, too. I am so blessed to have friends that I can talk about God with. I am so thankful for friends that encourage my relationship with God and challenge me to always be examining myself and strive to be more Christ-like daily. I am thankful for relationships that work the way God intended them to work.

I'll update later when I'm not supposed to be working.

Quiet Moments

My days have been so hectic these last few weeks and I am trying desperately to remain calm and patient with myself as I attempt to complete all of the work before me. There are what seem to be pointless and time-wasting tasks and requests around every turn. I want to scream because I feel like I spend my day doing things that mean absolutely nothing and the list of "to do's" keeps getting longer and longer.

Like right now, I am sitting in the front part of my office printing off the backs to the student ID cards. I've been sitting out here and normally what I would do is run back and forth from this computer to the one in my office so that I could do more than one thing at a time (time efficient, right?) but Jimmy, the IT guy is trying to fix something else for me in my office and so I must stay out here. I am limited to one project at a time for right now. I guess this is good because I can sit here and update my bloggie-mcblog and reflect on the last few weeks of my life. I felt like a jerk last week. My mom is here from California for a visit. She surprised me with very little notice and it kind of stressed me out because I know that the next few weeks are really busy and crazy and knowing that mom was sitting at my apartment while I was working would make me feel bad for her, adding more stress to my schedule right now. She was great this last week. She was laid back and encouraging, she offered to come in and help me if I needed it (free labor, right?). She took care of me like only mom can and was totally understanding that I needed to work. She even spoiled me with treats I don't need! Moms are like that. It was really nice to just hang out with her in the evenings, a no pressure visit. I really enjoyed my time with her. So, back to why I felt like a jerk. She offered to do something very nice for me and we were trying to schedule it and I got frustrated because it hit me that the reality of my schedule for the next few weeks was ridiculous. I kind of snapped at her because of it and I feel like a jerk because she was doing something so nice, that she didn't have to do, and I snapped at her. Not because she did anything wrong, but because I was stressed out just thinking about my schedule. For that, I am sorry mom. :( Why do we take things out on people when it's not their fault? Why do I get the snappiest with the people who love me the most? My mom would never do anything intentionally to hurt me. NEVER. Anyway, that is my confession for the week.

To go along with that, as I was sitting here being frustrated about all of the things I need to do, it came to me that I need to be thankful for my job and the role I am able to play in the lives of so many young people. My work may seem tedious right now but the reality is that I get to have amazing interactions with young people who I share my life with as they share theirs. We struggle with each other and teach each other things. I make mistakes in front of them and they do the same. We laugh with each other, cry together, encounter God together. I am so blessed to have this job. The pay is horrible but the rewards are so great. I heard a few weeks ago that one of our recent grads who applied for a job told the interviewers that one of the biggest influences in his life here at Cascade was me! What a compliment! I have watched him struggle, we have fought and cried, laughed a lot. I've fed him, done his laundry, and watched him give an amazing speech at commencement this last year. His path has been a tough one, but God has been faithful to him and now we get to be coworkers! He is getting married in a week and a half. I don't get to go but I am so excited for him. I have to be here meeting new students whom I will be able to invest in the way I invested in him (and he invested in me). I can't say that this would happen at many other places.

It was in the quiet moments of printing ID cards that all of this came to me. My work is not in vein. I am blessed. So, as I return to the seemingly mindless work of preparing for students to arrive back on campus, I think about the great things that happen because of the mundane. My work is for the Lord. I may have helped the one student who God meant for me to influence, but somehow I think there may be more work for me.

Find your quiet moment and reflect on why you do what you do. I bet there are blessings in your mundane, too.

I thought of something but it makes me sound like a whiny baby...will you still be my friend?

I just finished typing my "in progress" to do lists for my job at the College and they are exactly 3 pages long and going strong (that's right, there is more than one and I know more things will come up). These are all the things that I need to do in the next month and a half. I feel like having a pity party and asking for the rest of that chocolate cake that we enjoyed at Shanna's last night. Sorry for whining but I thought someone out there might care that I will be bald by September 1st.

On a brighter note, Mandi said I could come over and eat dinner (this means I don't have to cook tonight. I am down with that. Cross dinner off my list).

See you in September!!!

My Babies!!!!

Not really mine, but I can't help myself! If I never have my own children, this is the closest I will ever get to knowing what it's like to be totally infatuated. They are amazing gifts from God and I am so blessed that my brother and sister-in-law are amazing parents! Madeline and Jordan are precious and I can't imagine them ever feeling like they aren't loved. It breaks my heart to think about the fact that there are children out in the world who wonder. I am so thankful that I can be a part of their lives. The entire time I was with them, I felt like I couldn't tell them enough how much I love them. Poor Madeline was probably tired of hearing me say it to her 80 times a day. I guess I would rather her be tired of me saying it than wishing that I said it more. May we all tell each other too often how much we love each other rather than have anyone wish that we said it more.


P.S. I'm not sure what face Madeline is making! I think she didn't like the flash on the camera.

Back to the Grind

So, here I am back at my desk at work. I would much rather be with my niece and nephew but life goes on, right? There is much to do here in the office since I was gone for a week but I don't wanna (said in most whiny voice possible)!

I love my life...

So, I just got back from the hospital a few minutes ago. I got Madeline tucked away nicely for a nap and got caught up on the blog scene. I just had to get on here and tell you all that my nephew is perfect! He is absolutely gorgeous and perfect! He looks like Mike, which is freaky, but he is very handsome! Go look at Tim's blog for a pic. I wanna go take a nap (Madeline has A LOT of energy!). Bye, friends!