Challenges

I'm at a place right now where I really feel like I am being challenged to evaluate my life and ask what it is that I want from it and how I can best be like Him while I'm here. With these feelings comes fear. I'm afraid that if I really look at what I want from this life and how I can participate in bringing the Kingdom of God to those around me in my community, I'm going to have to give some things up and I make some serious changes in the choices I make in my daily living.

For the first time in my life I don't feel like I need to make these changes out of guilt or shame but out of a heartfelt devotion to Christ. As He changes my heart I feel compelled to change my priorities.

I feel claustrophobic with all of my "things" around me but begin to feel anxious at the thought of purging them from my life - and that's how I know I have a problem. I know that there can be a healthy balance. I know that I have got to get my temple in better form to live out His calling for my life. I am no good to Him if I make poor choices and have to spend my time dealing with the consequences of those choices rather than being Christ to those around me.

I watch Extreme Home Makeover and see a family who intentionally moves into a neighborhood in need of love and they make a difference - giving so much of themselves to those around them. I'm challenged to think about what I am doing with my life and where I want to go with it.

I watch a documentary on the use of rape as a weapon in war (this one specifically about The Congo) and think "what am I doing???" There is so much need in the world and I know that I am impacting students at Cascade - or at least I hope that I am - but I feel like there is more and I am being called to something more. I just don't know what it is just yet.

I am being stretched and it's uncomfortable but I know it's good and healthy and necessary. The journey of life is hard and amazing all at the same time. I'm excited to see what is ahead for me. I'm unsure of where all of this will lead me but I'm learning to let go and trust in the Lord - and lean not on my own understanding.