They Break My Heart

My heart is heavy this evening. We had some "interactions" with some students today. Over the past few weeks I have just learned more and more what it means to "get God" and to have a relationship with Him and what it means to not. So many students that I work with (I would argue even staff and faculty members, too, but that is an entirely different issue...or maybe not. Maybe they are learning it from us) just don't understand the freedom of true relationship with Christ. I remember being there. I remember how lost I felt all of the time. I even remember feeling angry and confused about my purpose in life. The world was screaming at me to do things it's way but it felt wrong. I tried to find happiness in worldly things and even when I knew there had to be a better way to live out this Christianity that my parents taught me, I didn't feel right. There was much soul searching and painful, self-inflicting lessons, that brought me to my faithful Father who so graciously welcomed me into His arms. I still don't get so much. I still know that it could be even better than I am choosing. I understand that He is the source of all that is good in my life and I am the one who has to decide how close I am willing to get to Him. He is so right there waiting for me, always has been, always will be.

Thank you God for always being there. I pray that you reveal yourself in such powerful ways to these students who think they have it all figured out. Please cast out all doubt that they may have. Please show them the peace that is found in knowing you and being with you. Please help me to be patient with them when I forget that I used to be there. Please give me words of wisdom and mercy when I interact with them. I want to be a window for those who are seeking and never a stumbling block. Please help my humanness and selfishness to not get in the way of them seeing you in me. I want them to see your love for me and for them. Thank you for holding me to your standards and not my own. Yours are so much better (and often harder). I may not always like them but I am always better for choosing to walk in Truth. God, I ask that you give me glimpses of hope when there will be no more battles with Satan, when I am Home with you and I will no longer struggle to make the right choices. May you be blessed when I do make the right choices!!! May I always give you glory for my successes, for they are not mine.

Peace be with you.