On Being Sick

Last night at home group our lesson was on peace. We read scripture about having peace and being at peace. It wasn't until we were almost done with our closing prayer that I thought:

"We haven't even discussed the turmoil going on in the world. Turmoil caused by others and turmoil caused by us."

We thanked God for giving us peace but we didn't even bother praying for those who are fighting in a war, those being murdered who just want to live their lives with a little dignity, or ask forgiveness for not paying attention to what is going on in the world.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. (Matt 5:9)

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18)

I want to vomit thinking about what we are doing in the world or not doing for that matter. I want to vomit because it seems that Lindsay Lohan's DUI is more important than murder and war. I am sad. I don't have all of the answers, I don't have a solution to the political agendas of either side of the issue. All I know is I am a Christ follower and I don't think he would be in Iraq right now. I take that back. I know he is there right now but I think we'll find him comforting those who have lost loved ones or weeping over the destruction. I'm fairly confident that he isn't driving a tank or torturing people to get information out of them. I don't say all of this in an effort to be unsupportive of the troops who are over there doing what they are told. We need to WAKE UP AMERICA and tell our representatives that this insanity has got to end! How can we justify what we're doing? THIS IS REAL...not a movie out of Hollywood. These are real people and real lives. Not only have 655,000 Iraqi's died but 3,728 coalition deaths have also occured. I am guilty of passivity. I can't do it any more. I refuse to do it any longer. I don't know how I am going to make a difference - I think this is what they want us to think- but I'm going to try. I also think about the crisis in Darfur, AIDS crisis in Africa, and poverty in America. I'm sick over everything going on in the world that hasn't mattered enough for me to stand up against it and cry out in disgust. Well I'm disgusted and the first place I am going to hang out is at the feet of God and ask him for forgiveness and then ask what I can do. He has heard my cry. He promises me this much.

But he took note of their distress when he heard their cry. (Psalm 106:44)

There is a lot of unsettled business in life right now. Things are a little strange at church - we are going through another transition. I'm finding it difficult to remain commited and enthusiastic about everything. I love everyone but it's hard to keep thinking positively.

I am in the process of figuring out some things that are exciting and promising opportunities for me. I will know more in the next few weeks but I would love for everyone to pray about these things for me. I will be happy to share more when I know more. I am thankful for new opportunities!

I am listening to Rick Atchley's sermon series on Heaven. It is AMAZING! Makes one excited about heaven rather than hopeful to avoid hell. A better way to live life. Gotta go listen!!!

Peace!

Bragging for a minute (or like 10 seconds)

I got an A in my stats class. I'm pretty proud of myself, if I do say so myself. :)

Sunshine

I am sitting at an internet cafe on the campus of Pepperdine University looking out at the ocean, not working. There's not much else to say. :)

Bivariate Statistics, Crosstabs

Does anyone want to do my stats quiz for me? Anyone, anyone? I promise it won't be fun.

Time Flies When You're Having...Fun?

Has it really been a month? I suppose so. What have I been doing? Let's see...

• Went to the opera on Thursday night. Saw Wagner's The Flying Dutchman. It was on the dull side. Depressing.
• Dropped off a bunch of students and three faculty members in Seattle for a class trip to the east coast. I stayed and hung out with Jean and her husband for the weekend.
• While in Seattle Jean and I went to a fashion show at Macy's hosted by Clinton Kelly from TLC's What Not To Wear. The fashion show was for us rounder ladies. He is ADORABLE! We had a good time.
• Spring break this week. QUIET at work. I got more done in one day than I get done in a typical week.
• Went to the dentist on Monday. Fun times.
• Saw Sarah Mac and several other college friends a couple of weekends ago. We hung out at Rici's and had a blast. It was fun to see everyone. There seems to be a common theme among young adults: our lives aren't nearly as glamorous as we'd hoped for. We're all getting a wee bit boring in our older age (older age being in comparison to college). Some are busy being married and having babies. Some of us are not married but don't have very exciting lives. It was fun to love on each other and remind one another that we are still cool people. :)
• I've decided that being single would be a lot more fun if I had extra money to do the things that every married person says they would do if they were single. Like traveling. If I could fund the excersions, I would be traveling all over the world and taking weekend trips to nearby cities. Instead, I work for no money and end up at home depressed by my boring life. HELP! Anyone want to fund my trips?
• Thanks Sarah for the advice on Diva. I think I may be a convert.
• Went to dinner with mom on Monday night. I was still in the process of coming off the novocaine from the dentist so it was interesting trying to eat my dinner. We went to the new Macaroni Grill at Clackamas. Yum! It was nice to hang out with momma. We don't do it much because she works most evenings.
• I have to go back to Seattle on Friday to pick up the travelers. See you Friday, Jean!

Well, that's it for now. Not a super exciting life but I'm managing. March has flown by. Only one month until all the students depart. I'm ready. I am going to Pepperdine for the Lectureships this year. I'm excited! I've never been.

Hope for Tomorrow

Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence.
The bliss of growth,
The glory of action,
The splendour of achievement
Are but experiences of time.
For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision;
And today well-lived, makes
yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well therefore to this day;
Such is the salutation to the ever-new dawn!
~Kalisada


A student brought this poem to me yesterday because she thought it was beautiful and she wanted to give me some encouragement (I really do have a pretty amazing job, for all of my grumblings) as I make life decisions and struggle making them. I'm not doing well with life right now. I want to pull my head under the blankets and avoid all decision-making necessities. Do I go to grad school? Do I stay at my job? Is this what I want to do long term? Is it a reality that I may never get married and have a family of my own? Can I find a way to be at peace with God about that reality, because I certainly don't want to be at peace with it? Do I pick up my life and move to Texas or stay in Portland? I mean, my family and friends are here. I feel comfortable and safe here but I'm not happy here, nothing feels like it's working. I'm not doing my job as well as I could be. I'm not living my life the way I should be. I'm disappointed in myself.

I was having dinner at a friend's house last night and we were watching an Oprah from a couple of weeks ago when they were discussing "The Secret". One thing that I took away to ask myself is if I feel like I truly deserve to be happy, to have the things in life that I want, deserve to be treated well (including treating myself well) and whether or not I deserve to be loved (including loving myself). These are important questions to ask. I can't say that my answer to these questions is yes. Here is my problem. I'm not convinced that I deserve these things. I mean if I respond quickly (and with the right answer) I would say yes but if I reflect and take time to think about it I can't say yes to these questions. I haven't been treating myself very well. I have not taken time to give thanks to God for all of the blessings that he has given me. In my selfishness, I have looked mainly at my flaws and misfortunes, which compared to most people in the world, my misfortunes are laughable. A lot of what the teachers of "The Secret" was more new agey than I am interested in but the principles got me thinking about how I treat myself and made me think about the things that God wants us to get about ourselves. One of the teachers said that Jesus taught that the "Kingdom of God is within us" which gives us the power to live a full life. Now, I don't remember reading that anywhere but I get the idea. I mean technically, the kingdom is within us because of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. We have the power of change because we have God within us. He gives us the power. I am praying for a miracle and a change in my thinking. I need to be made over and renew my spirit. I'm tired of being tired. I've been working on my physical health and I thought taking these steps would help (and I think they have) but there is another piece to the puzzle that is missing. My spiritual health is weak at best and I can't continue functioning this way.

I covet your prayers. We all deserve the best life that we've been promised through Christ. Why am I not claiming this as mine too? I want others to claim it yet I forget to claim it daily for myself. This isn't how I was made to live.

Dr. Maya Angelou - In the Flesh

I had the pleasure of seeing, hearing, absorbing Dr. Maya Angelou last week with my friend Laketa (thanks to mom and dad for my Christmas present)! All I can say is that she is amazing and her two hours of speaking felt like 5 minutes (So I felt like I was shorted but I know she really did speak for two hours).

Dr. Angelou challenged us to think of the influence we each have. She suggested that our influence may be greater than we will ever realize. She told stories about her uncle who was crippled in a small town in Arkansas and his influence was felt across generations and in powerful places. She said that she runs into people, like the Mayor of Little Rock, or the State Senator who have been touched by the life of this man who would have never imagined this as a part of his story. We sell ourselves short too often. We need to have the courage to imagine the possibilities. Dr. Angelou challenged us to practice the virtue of courage because without courage, you cannot consistently practice any of the other virtues.

Good stuff...


The most fun part of the evening was going to the Heathman Hotel for coffee and dessert after and having Dr. Maya Angelou come in for dinner!!! Laketa tried to figure out a way to meet her. We are still arguing about this part of the evening because she got all crazy and weird. She says she would have been totally appropriate. I wanted us to leave her alone (because she shared stories about how she has had to stop traveling by airplane and train because people get all weird and start freaking out and poking her, etc). I thought Laketa was headed down that path. It was fun to see her in person up close, though. I am thankful that Laketa didn't orchestrate a "chance meeting".

Upcoming Interfaith Services

I have had a couple of requests to post the upcoming interfaith services after my last post on the prayer service for peace.

February:

Sunday, February 18th 4:00-5:30pm
Topic: How Do We as People of Faith Protect Our Earth for Future Generations?
Location: Soka Gakkai International, 1895 SE Ankeny, Portland

March:

Sunday, March 18th 4:00-5:30pm
Topic: How Do People of Faith Help Bring Peace to this World?
Location: First Unitarian Church, 1011 SW 12th, Portland

April:

Sunday, April 15th 4:00-5:30pm
Topic: How Do We as People of Faith Support Religious Tolerance?
Location: Congregation Neveh Shalom, 2900 Peaceful Lane, Portland

May:

Sunday, May 20th 4:00-6:00pm
Topic: How Do We as People of Faith Support Families?
Location: Muslim Education Trust, 10300 SW Scholls Ferry Rd, Tigard

Peace

Last night I went to an interfaith service for peace at a Lutheran church in Northeast Portland. I was blessed to hear the perspectives of many people from many different faith backgrounds. I sat on the pew and took in all they had to say. These people were all so gentle in spirit and had deep devotion to God and to humanity. Their perspectives were new and refreshing. While these faith leaders have fundamental differencesin their beliefs, they were able to share things and agree that what we are doing in Iraq and aroung the world is not noble nor honorable. These spiritual leaders prayed earnestly for the troops serving in war and for the people we are attaacking. They want healing and reconciliation. They want people of faith to stand up against violence.

I am still processing and may have more to share at a later time. In the meantime, I encourage anyone reading this to contact your Congressmen/women and let them know that you want the insanity of this war to end!

Snow Day

Today I am stuck at home because of the sudden onset of snow. I am already battling a cold so I'm thankful for a day of rest and a boss who said "Don't even bother trying to come in later, just stay home and get some rest". Ok, twist my arm.

I've been laying on the couch all morning watching the news, flipping through other channels and reading.

Today I'm glad that I don't work at home like my dad, because he is still working. :) No travel excuses for him. He is currently out taking a walk up to the grocery store so that we have some food for dinner. Yay dad!

Hopefully we will melt and all will be normal tomorrow.

Alrighty, back to the couch for reading and relaxing. I am glad that my throat is no longer on fire and I can swallow like a normal person. Simple pleasures people, simple pleasures.

Being LAZY

I had the pleasure of being out of the office for 11 days and I LOVED every last stinkin' minute of it. My week consisted of lots of movie watching, old TV show watching and book reading. When I say that I watched a lot of DVD's I don't think that I am actually portraying with much accuracy. When I think of it, I will have to get a list of all the things I watched during my week off.

Some that I do remember are:
*Kate & Allie (Season 1)
*24 (Season 4)
*Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
*Bewitched
*Millions
*Prozac Nation
*House of D
*Felicity Season 3 (first three discs)
*Brooklyn Lobster
*World Trade Center
*The Excorcism of Emily Rose
*Heavenly Creatures
*The Black Dahlia
*The Skeleton Key
*Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont

I know, I know, it's a ridiculously long list of things to watch but it's not exhaustive and I don't get to this very often. I justify it all by saying that I also read (or completed) three books during this time. I FINALLY picked up Running With Scissors and finished reading it. I kept pushing it back to read other things. THanks for letting be borrow it Breanna! It was good and weird all at the same time. I've never read anything like it. I feel like the next guest on Oprah is going to be Augustun Burroughs (the author) calling him out for making up his stories like James Frey because how can this be real???!!!! I also finished a book related to work: College of the Overwhelmed, and the second volume of Maya Angelou's autobiography, Gather Together In My Name. There are still too many books to read in the amount of time that I have in a day! I am on a mission to get through as many volumes of Ms. Angelou's autobiography as possible before she comes to town in February. My brilliant parents got me tickets to see her for Christmas! I went to see her a couple of years ago with Jean and I loved every minute of it. I wanted to be sure and see her again.

My break was refreshing and restful. There haven't been many vacations where I really just did whatever I wanted. I loved every minute of it. Now, I am back at work scrambling and trying to get ready for the students coming back next week. I am always filled with mixed emotions when they come back. I want to see them but I like the quiet. Back to work I go.

World AIDS Day

I realize that I am a bit slow in getting this post written, considering World AIDS Day was Friday, December 1st. I was blessed to be a part of planning, what I thought turned out to be a beautiful day. A colleague, and friend, felt convicted that we as an institution need to acknowledge this event. She worked hard to be sure that everything came together.

We received 200 pictures of children from around the world who have been affected by the disease. They could have lost family or neighbors. We attached these pictures on stakes and placed them around campus, under trees wrapped with red ribbons. We also posted HIV/AIDS facts on the trees.

Our chapel program was phenomenal, if I do say so myself. We commissioned one of our amazing drama students to write three monologues to be performed in chapel. She wrote powerful testimonies, one was a sister of man who died, one was a mother and wife who discovered that she and her baby were positive, and a young woman who discovered that she, too, was positive and dealing with the abandonment by her family. I was blown away by the performances of the three talented actors who played these women. We interlaced the monologues with a slideshow of people who are living with AIDS and those who have passed on. My friend, C, gave a little information about each person's story in the slide (name, age, diagnosed in ..., lost spouse in...etc.). We carefully orchestrated music and read two excerpts from two stories. To end the program and lace all of the pieces together, one of our professors stood up in silence for as long as he could keep the attention of the students. He quoted UN Secretary General, Kofi Annan, saying about the AIDS crisis "silence is death". As Christians, we cannot remain silent. As humans, we cannot remain silent.

This day challenged me and I pray it challenged our students. We are responsible for those around us. We are called to love those around us and show compassion for them. We are not called to judge or decide who is worth of our attention. I think if Jesus were on earth today, he would be in the AIDS hospices and in villages ravaged by this non-discriminating disease. He would be loving them and telling them that his Father loves them. I hope I can do the same.

I am challenged to find my voice to fight for those who need attention. I don't know what this looks like in my life but I feel called to not remain silent.

Silence Is Death.

Where Have I Been????

I realize it has been quite some time since I have had anything to say. I will give you a quick rundown of life's happenings. Perhaps in the near future I will actually have something interesting to say.

* moved in with the 'rents (not the most exciting thing at 30)
* spoke in chapel twice the week before break. Once to the women and once to the entire student body (we told stories of Thanksgiving/Thankfulness)
* working on a AIDS Awareness chapel with 3 colleagues for World AIDS Day (Fri, December 2nd)
* had last week off for Thanksgiving. I was in desperate need of vacation.
* looking into grad school for next fall (this is why I moved in with mom and dad)
* went north this weekend to visit Jean and her husband
* read A LOT last week
* helped Mike and Janna move into a bigger place
* spent Thanksgiving at Mike and Janna's new place. I had so much fun with my neice and nephew. They are amazing!
* went to a book signing and had the pleasure of saying hello to Ellyn Burstyn (she is SO beautiful and classy)
* went to a show with a friend (I always forget how much I enjoy live theatre)
* went to NW 23rd with a couple of friends last week. We had lunch and shopped around. I was inspired into Christmas spirit. Also, I love Moonstruck truffles. YUM!
* I can't believe that it is approaching December rather quickly. Another year flies by!
* I'm sure there is more but I need to get back to work! Another entry soon I hope.

Lots of Me

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 1,458 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Post Number Two From The Road

I am getting myself ready to head back to Portland in the morning. I will sure be glad to sleep in my own bed! I had a great trip. I enjoyed seeing others who do this work with students and being affirmed in the work I do. I am blessed to have some allies on campus who know what kind of work I do and in a lot of ways, I think I have it better than other campuses simply because we're smaller and we aren't fighting so many battles with administration and faculty. I do however feel like we've used our size as a cop out to not do the best work we can do for our students. I know I have. I've used a lack of funding and resources as my excuse to not come up with creative solutions to our problems and have not felt entitled to fight for what is good and right for our students.

I feel empowered to develop my own skill set and focus on my own professional development. No one is a better advocate for myself than myself. I want to be better equipped so that I can better equip. There is much for me to process and I will be able to this on my journey home tomorrow. Please pray for traveling mercies as I venture back to the beautiful city I love.

Portland, here I come!!!

Note Number One From Trip

Two quick notes about online mapping:

1. Be thankful that rental car man asked to look at directions before you left Detroit so that I didn't end up in downtown Detroit without a clue as to where to go because they've closed the road you were told to take!!!

2. Don't assume directions are accurate. It's always hit and miss. They got me to and from Target with ease this afternoon (to get contact solution that was confiscated at airport) but this evening when trying to meet the rest of the group here for the conference, totally dropped me at the wrong location. The directions left out about 10 miles of the trip. Awesome. :) Clearly I figured it out when I called the other hotel. They got me to them and we had an excellent evening. I am now back cozy in my hotel room. Praise Jesus.

Had a great first evening with everyone. We were able to catch up and meet new people who have joined the club.

Off to see the Wizard

I know I know it's been quite some time since I last posted. Life has been crazy and weird. There is much I could say about what has been going on with me spiritually and emotionally but what I can say right now is that I am doing better.

I am heading to Rochester College in the Detroit area for few days. I am attending a Student Service Conference where I will be hanging out with several people who do what I do. It's a great time to learn from each other and receive encouragement for our work. It's a fun time. This is my first trip by myself. I usually have my boss with me. I'm kind of glad because then I don't have to come up with random small talk while we travel. Thanks!!! This gets to be down time to read and relax. I even brought season 5 of Gilmore Girls, just in case there is a DVD player in my hotel room.

Tag You're It

Big Mike tagged me to play the booklist game:

A book that changed my life: Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. Totally changed the way I understand God's love for me and all humankind.

A book I've read more than once: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (romantic and girly); Bridget Jones' Diary by Helen Fielding (hilarious and more like my life, except for the sex, someday maybe); Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers; Sacred Romance, Curtis and Eldridge

A book I would take with me if I were stuck on a desert island: Celebration of Disciplines by Richard Foster (this would be an excellent opportunity to practice them)

A book that made me laugh: Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs (I'm not done with it but I have to say that most of my laughing from this book has been more nervous and horrified laughter)

A book that I wish had been written: The story of my life written by God so that I knew what my life would be like. I'm still hoping He will publish soon.

A book I wish had never been written: Anything by Rush Limbaugh (that guy is a troll)

A book I've been meaning to read: Well, let the list begin...currently on my to be read list, there's always more:
Confessions, Augustine
Lighting the Way: Nine Women Who Changed Modern America, Kareena Gore Schiff
Pledged: The Secret Life of Sororities, Alexandra Robbins
College of the Overwhelmed, Kadison and DiGeronimo
Generation Me:Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable Than Ever Before, Jean Twenge
No Perfect Christians Allowed, John Burke
I could keep going so I'll stop now...

I'm currently reading:
Running With Scissors, Burroughs
Streams of Living Water, Foster
Devotional Classics, Foster
Best Friends: The Pleasure and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendships, Apter and Josselson

Tag, You're It:
Rebecca Marie
Sarah Parker
Breanna
Amy Fennell (eventhough I know you don't have a blog that you use)
Jean

My People Are The Best Gifts

I don't even know how to begin to describe the feeling of love I felt as my friends and family celebrated my 30 years with me. I am blessed beyond words with the most amazing people God could ever give to a human being. At a time when I needed love and affirmation most, my people met me there.

What an amazing night. I spent a week doing new student orientation, I was tired and spent. I got home from the Oregon coast around 2pm and went and had a manicure given to me by my parents tp relax and shift from work to personal life. I went home and got ready. I put on my pretty party dress and was picked up by mom and dad and off we were to the party. They drove me to an undisclosed location (a home of some friends). We pulled into the driveway only to be met by a beautifully decorated yard. I opened the door to everyone yelling "Hooray!!!!". I was overwhelmed!!! Totally and completely blown away at this beautiful site. Now, I knew that Paula wouldn't mess around but HELLO!!! Her husband greeted me with a freshly made beverage and I began hugging and saying hello to my friends. I got a plate of food (YUM everyone!!!!) had a seat and began having great conversations. People kept arriving as the next hour or so went on. My mother told us later that she counted 45 people present. Eric wrote me a fabulous birthday song (Paula, you were a wonderful mic stand) and after blowing out the candles on my gorgeous birthday cake (thanks Rici!!!!), I got to open my presents. FUN!!!! I was humbled by the generousity of all of my friends and family. I want everyone to know that I DID get the KitchenAid mixer that I have been asking for for several years now (thanks Paula and her clan). I was so touched by the celebration of me. I've always known that I am loved but I knew, really knew, that night how much I am loved by the people in my life. It is easy to forget because the world is always screaming words of inadequacy. I don't say I felt loved because they gave me fantastic gifts. The gifts were an amazing bonus but my heart was so touched by the heartfelt words written in the cards and the words and stories shared in conversations. I was so overwhelmed while sitting on the deck and looking down at all of the people who are in my life. I am so blessed to be loved by so many wonderful people. The timespan represented all of the years of my life. My family, college friends and cherished relationships that have developed in the last few years talking to one another, coming together all in one place.

My soul was satisfied that night. My heart overflowed with joy and peace. I felt calm, serene...content. I imagine it must be what we will feel when we are reunited in heaven. For me, my 30th birthday was a preview of what I will feel when I am reunited with all of my loved ones in a more beautiful and precious place. I thank God for the people who were with me that night. I thank God for the friends and family who were unable to be with us. I know that the same love is shared with them. For as much joking as I made about turning 30 and wanting to be celebrated like those who marry, I am serious when I say that every person deserves to feel the way I felt that night. Every human should have their souls touched the way mine was that night. What an amazing and overwhelming feeling. I imagine this is the way one feels when they meet the person they choose to spend their life with. There is no doubt in my mind that I am valued and important to people in this world. There is no doubt in my mind that those who share Jesus have a much deeper connection than those who do not. In a world where selfishness is prized, I pray that we spend our lives trying to make others feel the way I did on my birthday. If we each made this our goal, I think the world would be a better place because more people would know Jesus.

Thank you to all of my amazing and wonderful friends and family who worked so hard to make me feel so special. Words will never adequately express the way I felt and still feel. I am still wiping away tears so that I can see to type this post. These thoughts do not do justice for what you deserve to hear. Thank you. My heart is overflowing.