Hurts So Good

I have had some serious AH-Ha moments this week. God is teaching me that I need Him. He is teaching me that I am selfish and most often have the wrong motives when asking for things from him. I was reading in James this morning and I "stumbled" across 4:3, which says "And even when you do ask, you don't get it because your whole motive is wrong--you want only what will give you pleasure". Um, ouch. I know, I know, pleasure isn't wrong, but when I ask for things that aren't bad, but the reasons that I want them are selfish, I am not truly looking to do what God would have me do. I'm making everything about me when it needs to be all about Him. Um, ouch again. I have to say that it is frightening and horrifying to ask God to show you what you are doing wrong, where I am misguided. He has shown me some very serious issues that have kept me far from Him, unable to truly commune with Him because of feelings I have been having (without even realizing it). He really does show it to you and it is painful yet so good. I have spent more time this week crying out to Him than I have in the last couple of years. These things that He is revealing in me make me run to Him all the more because I can't fix them by myself. He is so faithful, so good to comfort me during this time of struggle. How amazing is the God of all the Universe that He will make Himself known in our weakest moments! In the times when I feel the farthest from Him, His most unfaithful child, He comes in and holds me and whispers in my ear how much He loves me. I am speechless.

P.S. 10 days until I go to Venezuela. Please pray!