nothing to say

I don't like that I don't keep up with this blog. So much has happened in the last three months and I feel like I don't have any words to share about any of it. The good and the bad. I want to share my thoughts on the closing of Cascade, the election, my new job, the passing of a friend, my hopes and dreams for the future, and my fears and failures, yet I can't seem to find the words. I usually have plenty of words but I haven't had any lately. I'm not sure what that means. Hopefully it will change soon.

YES WE CAN!!!!

Transitions

Well Kids, it's official! My last day at Cascade is Friday, August 22nd. I have accepted a position in financial aid at Chemeketa Community College in Salem. In all of the crazy transitions my plan is to commute for now. I'm sure once I start paying for gas I will get over it real quick and will find myself moving to Salem. Thankfully little Timmy and Kori live there and some friends of mine just moved to Keizer. So I have at least a small social circle there.

I'm excited about this new opportunity. I've been waiting patiently for the right thing for a couple of years now. I'm thankful that I didn't have to move to Texas to find a new opportunity. An hour's not so bad when you think about Texas. :)

I will miss many of the beautiful people I have worked with for the last 6 years and of course I will miss many of our students. It just won't be the same ever again!

I am going from working with 300 students to a place where they serve over 60,000 each year. Crazy! It's going to be a totally different experience but I'm so excited to have it!

Happy Birthday Tim!

Little Timmy turns 30 today! I thought about listing all of the things about Tim that I love but I couldn't think of any...just kidding!

I think I will just list my favorite things about Tim and then ask you to go wish Tim a happy birthday!

My favorite things about Tim
1. Growing up and into our young adulthood Tim always had this great childlike spirit about him. He was always so much fun. He was up for anything and was almost always willing to be silly - just for the sake of being silly. Sometimes it irritated me but I have to say that now that I don't see him nearly as often as I used to, I miss his silliness.
2. I love that when we were younger (like college) he let me call him Moth -you know, TiMOTHy. It was my name of endearment for him. No one else got to use it. It was a silly name but he let me use it anyway and, if I remember correctly, I once got a Valentine's Day card in my campus mailbox from a guy named Moth. :)
3. Tim has always had a very generous spirit. If he had it and someone else needed it, he shared it willingly. Back in 2001 when I moved back to Portland from Seattle, Tim was very generous in assisting me financially. It took a bit longer for me to find a job than I had anticipated and Tim got me through. I wouldn't have made it if it hadn't been for Tim.
4. Tim desires to do good. He wants to do honor God with his life. He, like all of us, doesn't always get it right but in his heart of hearts, he wants to do the right thing in all circumstances. He wants to be known as a Godly man - a man who is trying to be like Jesus. There's nothing better than that.

Happy Birthday little brother. I hope you have a great day! I love you so much.

Tony Campolo on The Colbert Report

After Ryan Woods suggested that we check out Tony Campolo on The Colbert Report I had to see if he was on there more than once. I'm reading one of Campolo's books right now. I have been blessed to find Tony Campolo. He speaks to my heart in such important ways. I love God. I want to model my life after Christ - I often do a POOR job of it. And I don't feel like the conservative right has anything to offer me. I often feel embarrassed that they are what non-Christians assume we're all like and that we all think the same way. For most of my life I have felt a disconnect between my heart feels and what I hear in most churches and from many of my Christian friends. Thank you Tony for validating what I believe Jesus has written on my heart. As I read more and more of the book I am currently reading, the more I want to be like Christ, the more safe I feel opening my heart to Him. The God and the Jesus I have known most of my life is not what the world needs. The world needs a God and a Jesus who love them with unrelenting passion. I need a God and a Jesus who loves me with unrelenting passion. This is how we will change the world.

A couple of months back I read a book by Shane Claiborne called The Irresistible Revolution. In it he shared about the time he spent in India with Mother Teresa. He learned that Namaste, a Hindu greeting means "I honor the Spirit who lives in you." I am learning to honor the Spirit that lives in me and in all of those around me. It's definately a process, a journey, but I think if I look at all people as spiritual beings, self included, I will treat everyone better and see all people through Jesus' eyes. I don't think much of anything else matters. I think what I am learning about myself is that I haven't even been treating myself very well. I've struggled with the whole relationship with God thing. I think when you don't believe that He really, I mean really, loves you, what's the point of trying to do what He wants for your life??? Why would I honor the Spirit within me if I don't think He really cares about me or if it feels like the point of being in relationship with Him is only to do what He wants because He's a bully and will punish you for all eternity if you don't do things His way? It's not the point! He wants to be in relationship with His creation, with His people, His companions. He wants us to be companions of His. He wants us to choose Him because He wants to be with us - not to show power and domination over us but to love us and be with us, to be friends with us. I want that. I need that. My soul is crying out for that.

Namaste.

Also Watching...

Monday nights are devoted to The History Detectives on PBS. I think this might be one of the most interesting shows on TV. If you're not doing anything on Monday nights at 9pm and you live in the Portland area, check out channel 10 for this hour of goodness.

Everyone Should Read...

The Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer. I never thought I would be interested in "these kinds" of books but I couldn't get enough. I was oblivious to the world for about a week and read the first three in the series. The last one comes out on August 2nd and I can't wait! So, if you are looking for an easy yet entertaining read I suggest these!

Feisty Sesame Street

Oh how I love Feist...

What I've Been Watching

I think a lot of people misunderstand So You Think You Can Dance. I love watching it every summer. The dancers are doing some really incredible things. I find so much beauty in what they are doing. Call me a reality TV junkie - I can't get enough. I wish I could do these things. Take a peek:



And then there's this couple! She is a trained dancer and it shows in everything she does. Joshua is a hip hop dancer. I'm totally blown away but what he is able to do every week.




I see the greatness of our Creator in these dancers. I see how beautiful He made the human form and I see how dancing is an outlet for worship. I think if I were a dancer I would feel totally and completely connected to God when I was moving because I feel it just watching them.

Urge

This will probably be one of the most random posts I ever make.

I have had in recent weeks/months the overwhelming urge to move to New Orleans and be a part of the rebuilding of that city. I think I would go almost immediately if there was someone interested in going with me on a little adventure. I think I feel braver if I have a partner in crime. Any takers?

Peace Out Ol' Red

My 1992 Toyota Corolla has been given to a new home and I have a new car. That's right. I am a full fledged grown up with a car payment! Yikes! What have I done? I might be living with my parents for the rest of my life but I have a nice car. I'm so excited to have something that I can get in everyday and not worry about whether or not it will start. I just got tired of putting money into a car that had so much that needed to be done. Now my money can go toward building my credit and investing in something which will give me some pride. :)

So, farewell, Ruby Dee. I hope some teenager treats you well!

I've included pictures of my new car(from the interwebs, not the actual vehicle - same color though). And I have to say, while she is a bit bigger than I really need, it was this or like a gramma Ford Taurus - no offense to those who might drive a Taurus - and this actually gets better gas mileage than the Taurus I looked at. It is smaller than it looks in the picture. She's more the size of a wagon than an SUV. Isn't she pretty???

OH YEAH! I need help naming her. Maybe we can play a game and everyone can help choose a name.

YES WE CAN!!!!

Magic

Sometimes I wish I had a magic wand and I could make my life exactly the way I want it to be. I know, I know - it's totally unrealistic. Where is the joy in attaining what you want without the work? The work is what scares me but it's in the work that you find the satisfaction...

sicko

I wasn't in the office today, which was nice. I was going to have the day to do what I wanted when I wanted but I developed a cold and didn't sleep well last night and have felt kinda foggy all day. So, lazy day it was. I've read, watched a great film called Crazy Sexy Cancer (not great because of the subject matter but great because of her choice to document what was happening to her and sharing her journey with all of us). If you need something to watch - this is a good one. I also watched a documentary called Escape Suburbia. This is the description in the OnDemand Info (presented by the Sundance Channel): "Half a century ago, suburbia was hailed as the solution to urban decay. Now, in the light of diminishing oil supplies, ecomomic woes and unsustainable lifestyles, many concerned citizens are rethinking their options."

So this is what I did with my time off. I think I'm going to go take a nap - if I can breathe while laying down.

distracted

I am struggling with getting my head wrapped around any of my work. The students have left and I need to transition into summer projects which are important but BORING. I need to edit the student handbook, check final grades of students in postions where GPAs need to meet a minimum criteria. None of this is any kind of appealing to me.

My mind is in another place. I am processing so many things and none of them have anything to do with work.

I have been doing some online training and looking at potential improvements for the office but not getting any "needs to get done" work accomplished.

Wish me luck.

Challenges

I'm at a place right now where I really feel like I am being challenged to evaluate my life and ask what it is that I want from it and how I can best be like Him while I'm here. With these feelings comes fear. I'm afraid that if I really look at what I want from this life and how I can participate in bringing the Kingdom of God to those around me in my community, I'm going to have to give some things up and I make some serious changes in the choices I make in my daily living.

For the first time in my life I don't feel like I need to make these changes out of guilt or shame but out of a heartfelt devotion to Christ. As He changes my heart I feel compelled to change my priorities.

I feel claustrophobic with all of my "things" around me but begin to feel anxious at the thought of purging them from my life - and that's how I know I have a problem. I know that there can be a healthy balance. I know that I have got to get my temple in better form to live out His calling for my life. I am no good to Him if I make poor choices and have to spend my time dealing with the consequences of those choices rather than being Christ to those around me.

I watch Extreme Home Makeover and see a family who intentionally moves into a neighborhood in need of love and they make a difference - giving so much of themselves to those around them. I'm challenged to think about what I am doing with my life and where I want to go with it.

I watch a documentary on the use of rape as a weapon in war (this one specifically about The Congo) and think "what am I doing???" There is so much need in the world and I know that I am impacting students at Cascade - or at least I hope that I am - but I feel like there is more and I am being called to something more. I just don't know what it is just yet.

I am being stretched and it's uncomfortable but I know it's good and healthy and necessary. The journey of life is hard and amazing all at the same time. I'm excited to see what is ahead for me. I'm unsure of where all of this will lead me but I'm learning to let go and trust in the Lord - and lean not on my own understanding.

Miracle of Miracles

Graduation was on Saturday and the last of the students should be moving out today. We have a few sticking around for summer intersessions but intersession students are usually pretty mellow. I feel as if this year went very quickly. I have to say that I am thankful because I don't feel like it was my best year. I'm ready to try again next year. I call a do over!

Today I am taking a breather and moving slowly through my tasks.

The Lord's Prayer

Manners

I am reading a book for work called The Resident Assistant by Gregory Blemling and I've been amused at some of the things I've read. For instance, this morning I was reading an excerpt from a book written in the 50's by Irene Pierson giving advice to students on manners - check this out:

Question: What is the correct procedure when a girl has a Saturday night date and her boyfriend from out of town pops in a half hour before time for the date?

Answer: Tell the boyfriend you have plans for the evening and cannot break them as you do not want the reputation of being a person who is not dependable. The boyfriend was inconsiderate in not calling in advance. You could have been out to dinner and not have been located by him all evening.

WHAT??? How about "You're awful for dating behind your boyfriend's back and you do not want the reputation of being a cheater!"????

Maybe I'll share some housing rules from 1870 later.

Project Summary

So there it is my friends. My 30 days of ridding myself of things I no longer want/need. I didn't spend nearly enough time in other places of my life like the CD collection or the books but I did get rid of a lot of clothes that I just don't need to have around any longer. I think there will continue to be more purging. I kinda got the hang of it. I found some pleasure in it. Wasn't nearly as painful on day 20 as it was on days 2 and 3.

I'm learning more and more about who I am and why I do some of the things that I do. I really believe that I have found security in having "my stuff" and it has gotten in the way of my relationship with God. He is my only security and I need to trust Him to provide it.

Now I'm going to go work. It's SO quiet around here. Students are on spring break and my boss isn't in the office. I think I got more work done yesterday afternoon then I get done in an average week! YAY for Spring Break!

day 30

slippers - donate

day 29

flip flops - donate

day 28

blue hoodie - donate

day 27

nightgown - donate

day 26

old undies - trash

day 25

3 old cascade tshirts - peace out - donate

day 24

brown shirt - donate

day 23

brown "leather" vest never worn - donate

day 22

old sports bras - trash

day 21

basket of toilettries - garbage

day 20

blue sweater jacket - long - mom always asked if I was wearing a robe when I had it on. donate

day 19

pink tshirt - donate

Do you see a trend here???? I parked at the closet trying to empty myself of the clothes I don't really want.

day 18

light green tshirt - donate

day 17

khaki cargo pants - donate

Playing Catch-Up: Day 16

blue dress shirt - donate

Funny

17

Thanks Mike for this funny quiz!

thoughts on project so far

I actually feel quite liberated getting rid of the things that I'm holding on to that I just don't need/want. I believe with all of my heart that holding on to "things" has been some kind of security blanket for me. I think I have found comfort in my stuff. I can analyze it to death but I think what it comes down to is that I can't find my comfort in my stuff. Won't happen...it's not there. My comfort and my security need to come from Christ alone.

Now, don't get me wrong, I will probably never be a minimalist, it's not my nature (also not from nurture, as my parents like their things as well) but I will continue to work on purging the stuff that is blocking me from the growth I need to make.

Here's to healthy purging!

day 15

stinky pair of shoes - only had them for a little over a year. Got a lot of wear out of them but now - peew, stinky! Toss.

day 14

2 broken pairs of sunglasses - toss

Day 13

shipping envelopes - toss/recycle (it's really amazing the amount of junk one can accumulate without realizing)

Day 12

broke down a few shipping boxes that were hanging out in my room from various online purchases. Recycle.

Day 12

broke down a few shipping boxes that were hanging out in my room from various online purchases. Recycle.

Day 11

Simple shoes - too big - thought I could make them work but they don't fit. Wasted $20 on them (good price for Simple brand but when you can't/don't wear them, no price is good). Donate.

I know I know

I'm behind in my posting. I have been doing a thing a day, just haven't been putting them up. Soon I promise I will get them up here for you to read.

A Thing A Day 10

A tshirt and an old pair of shoes - donate.

A Thing Day 9

found papers that really belong at work. I need to go through them but I think I will go through them at work - old articles and publications that I intended to go through in my free time but they've been piled for several months. Go back to the office.

Found 2 candleholders that I will donate to Campus Life.

A Thing Day 8

bag of tea lights - donate to Campus Life

A Thing Day 7

found old mini body washes in a box (with the old travel documents) - give away to students - smell good but let's get real, I won't use them.

found candle holder - nice, no use for it. Donate to Campus Life to use for things like Chinook, Winter Formal, etc.

A Thing Day 6

recycled more papers - travel documents from a trip from a year and a half ago. Apparently I needed them for something really important...

white twinkle lights - donate to Cascade - Campus Life

Weekend Confession

My weekend got away from me and I didn't do any - ANY - decluttering! Bad Rebecca, Bad! I will have to do four days worth of sorting tonight. Shameful, shameful.

A Thing A Day 5

a pair of jeans that has seen better days - donate

I bet my list will be longer for the weekend. I have great hopes of going through some boxes under the bed. What I like about this concept is that I don't have to clean up everything TODAY. I can take my time, work on one small area at a time with no pressure to have amazing results.

The gal whose blog I stole the idea from said that as she's gone through the month, she has found this exercise to be easier with each passing day. I'm hoping this will be true for me. I hope at the end of 30 days I've blown myself away with how much decluttering I've done.

A Thing A Day 4

Yesterday I rid myself of old random papers in my Bible. I've been doing a study and so I've actually been using my Bible daily - GO FIGURE - and these papers were irritating me so I went through to see what they were. I found old random post-it notes placed in my Bible that no longer made any sense to me, bulletins from months ago, drawings from my cousin that are probably 12+ years old - time to go!

I also went above and beyond and took two tired polo shirts out of my closet - you know when everyone was wearing polo shirts, I'm guessing, 3 summers ago. Not going to wear them again I'm fairly certain. They will be the start of a donation bag. 2 weeks ago I gave a friend two yard trashbags full of old clothes that I was no longer interested in. She didn't want to buy new clothes, I didn't want the bags anymore. Buh-bye! Looks like I'll need to start a new give-a-way bag.

A Thing A Day

I was reading another blog and her goal for the month of February is to get rid of one thing every day. Her goal is to donate, recycle or toss. I thought that I could take on this challenge and so while I am already on the 20th day of February, I could still work on 30 days of ridding myself of the clutter in my life.

I have actually already done three days of ridding myself of unnecessary clutter:

Day One
Brought a pile of old stickers to the office to use for various Campus Life activities rather than have them sitting in a drawer taking up space like they have for a few years. Creepy clown stickers are a big hit with college students! I decided this counts because it's not in my house and I'm more likely to use them here at the office.

Day Two
Recycled old postcards from same drawer (and UGLY stationery- what was I thinking?). I've had them since college. I'm not going to use them.

Day Three
Gave extra 2008 calendar to a friend. She was pleased. I was happy to be rid of it. :)


So, friends, I will be posting A Thing A Day for the next 30 days. This will hold me accountable to purge my life of stuff that I don't need. I will either donate/give to a friend, trash it or recycle these items in a reasonable time period. I will tell you what I'm doing with them.

Just in time for Valentine's Day

I think I'm falling in love with God in a way I never knew possible. I feel like a school girl - all giddy and annoying. I want to tell everyone about how much I love Him and He loves me.

Warning: Learning In Process

I'm being worked on in ways I never thought possible.

I am thankful for the ways in which God is mysterious and indescribable.

I am thankful for the ways in which God is obvious and faithful...EVERY TIME!!!!

It blows my mind.

and yet, I've spent 31 years doubting Him and believing that His promises are not true for me.

I am done believing the lies I've been told. I am ready to live a full life!

I am finishing up my second week of a bible study with some girlfriends called Breaking Free by Beth Moore. There is so much I could share, insight that I am receiving from God but I don't think this is the time or place for it. Perhaps down the road it will feel right and appropriate to put everything out there for my faithful readers but not today. I'm not ready to feel that vulnerable.

For now, perhaps meditate upon:

Isaiah 61

The Year of the LORD's Favor

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.


To quote Beth Moore: "I believe a person can receive Christ as Savior, serve Him for decades, and meet Him face to face in glory without ever experiencing satisfaction in Him on this earth..I was in my 30's before I understood the huge difference between salvation from sin and satisfaction of the soul. Salvation secures our lives for all eternity. Soul satisfaction insures abundant life on earth."

This is going to be a big year for me! I am ready to live a different kind of life. A life of abundance and true satisfaction!

vacation accomplishments

Sorry that I didn't get back during my time off. I ended up in bed for four days with a nasty cold. I did get a few things accomplished:

* Read book for book club meeting: Fannie Flagg's Can't Wait to Get to Heaven

* finished Al Gore's book "The Assault on Reason"

* started new book on the nice "not so cheery" subject of self-injury called Cutting by Steven Levenkron

* also picked up Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf

* had lunch with my dear friend Rebecca Marie

* saw family for holidays

* celebrated New Year's in a very low-key manner (still recovering from cold)

* made ornaments for everyone at church to signify the importance of believing in what we are trying to accomplish

* did in fact watch several movies - being sick doesn't inspire as much reading as movie watching

* joined the National Body Challenge 2008: comes with a free 8-week pass to Bally's and lots of helpful information about health, exercise, making better food choices, etc.

* did some thinking about the upcoming year and things I would like to see happen - more to come